Tag: kisses

Four Verbs of L.O.V.E. Introduction

On By JenniferOzgurIn empathy, Love, Parenting, Relationships, ValidationLeave a comment

baby feet loveA little proactive measures can insure that we stay connected to our family members.  I’ve come up with an acronym I call “The Four Verbs of L.O.V.E.” to help people improve their relationships.  I use them with my own children and educate other parents about them during my lecture series and workshops.

I came up with the concept when my daughter was just a baby and I was kissing her… a lot.  I did the math, and I figured that if I kissed her 153 times a day from birth until she turned eighteen, she’d have received over one million kisses.  I found it incredibly inspiring to realize that it was possible for me to perform anything a million times- let alone showering my daughter with affection.  I spent some time wordsmithing my findings into a poem, and “One Million Kisses: The Promise of 153” was born.

Determined to make an impact, I began to research the science behind kissing and quickly discovered how closely connected it is to cognitive function.  The findings led me to expand my learning to child development, and eventually, I created a parenting program based around the concept of the “153 Promise.”  I continue to develop my program with evidence-based research, neuroscience, and trauma-informed techniques.

Over the next few posts, I’m going to delve into each verb and discuss how to fully embrace the action in order to connect with your child in a meaningful way.

I’m very excited to begin writing about “The Four Verbs of L.O.V.E.”  It is my hope that they will help families stay close and healthy.

Can you guess the first verb of L.O.V.E.?

#153Promise

 

Love Triangles… or squares, or pentagons, or… Teaching That Supplies are UNlimited!

On By JenniferOzgurIn Health, Love, Relationships, ValidationLeave a comment

My son just turned three and a half years old yesterday.  I can’t say enough about the guy.  He’s bright, got a sunny disposition and a laugh that could melt the Antarctic.  Every day, I thank God for my precious gift.

I love watching him develop and learn new skills as he figures out the world and his place in it.  It’s the coolest thing when something is there today that wasn’t there yesterday.  And that new concept is… jealousy.

My son and I were hanging out in the kitchen yesterday morning.  My husband comes down the stairs into the living room.  He says good morning, and I go over to give him a hug and kiss.  Our usually happy-go-lucky son hops down off the stool and says, “No, Baba, (that’s Turkish for Daddy), that’s MY Mommish!” (That’s our son’s Turklish pet name for me.)

I instantly said to my boy, “Oh, sweetie, there’s enough love for everybody!”  We then made a counting game of me kissing my son ten times, and then I kissed my husband ten times.  And so on until we ended in a three-way hug.

I totally can see why my son was upset.  We are constantly teaching him to share… because most times, the set item has a finite supply and anything he takes means that someone else will have to do without.  It is totally understandable to apply the same logic to kisses: if I give ten kisses to my husband, that leaves ten fewer for my son, right???

So we had to show our son that there will never be an end to kisses.  They are not like toys at the YMCA playground or animal crackers at snack time.  It’s not a game to compete for the limited supply.

Now, can you imagine if I shamed him by reprimanding his behavior?  That he shouldn’t WANT my love?  If I had pushed him away to keep hugging my husband, that would have taught my son that my love IS a thing to compete for and covet.   No child should be made to feel guilty for wanting their parents’ love.  It would have caused him anxiety and rightfully so.   Love should never be contest.

So next time one of your children is competing for your attention (which is really your affection), explain to them that the best way to give everybody what they want is to all pile together and get it done!

Feeling pulled in different directions?  If everybody folds the laundry together, then there’s more time freed up to work on homework, together, at the same table.

It’s just like architecture: the more (tri)angles there are, the stronger the structure.  So the more people sharing the love, the more triangles can be formed, thereby strengthening the love!

So make the 153Promise to show the regenerating power of your love!  Supplies unlimited: Act Now!

-Kisses!  XxXx