Mother, wife, teacher, writer and founder of 153Promise- a mission dedicated to educating parents in making smart, proactive choices that promote positive mental health.
Want to contact me? Email me at JenniferOzgurAuthor@gmail.com
You learn something new every day. For me, I discovered a high school game that’s apparently been around since the 80s, but somehow slipped past my radar until now. I discovered it when I overheard student taking about today because they are preparing for the big kickoff next week.
Senior Assassin is a cross between ultimate tag and skirmish using mainly water guns. Ever player gets some other play they must “kill.” If I get killed, I’m out. But if I kill my target, I must then take on their target. Players keep getting eliminated until the surviving player is dubbed the winner. Many times, participants must pay to enter the game and the winner gets the pot.
Sometimes, other rules are added, such as you are immune if you are wearing underwear, or with a freshman.
It’s especially popular as a final-year tradition to keep Senioritis at bay, come March-June.
I asked the students if it’s really wise to keep up with this game, given what happened earlier this month in Parkland, Florida. I could see them struggle to connect the dots between this recent tragedy and this long-standing tradition. But to me, it was very clear.
While I understand the game’s appeal, I think it would be in very bad taste to continue a prolonged violent-themed role-playing game.
While I’m not out to steal anybody’s joy, (the seniors have been waiting for over three years since they were incoming freshman), I think they should at least change the name, eliminating all reference to shooting and guns. It’s insensitive and disrespectful to the victims and their families.
A little proactive measures can insure that we stay connected to our family members. I’ve come up with an acronym I call “The Four Verbs of L.O.V.E.” to help people improve their relationships. I use them with my own children and educate other parents about them during my lecture series and workshops.
I came up with the concept when my daughter was just a baby and I was kissing her… a lot. I did the math, and I figured that if I kissed her 153 times a day from birth until she turned eighteen, she’d have received over one million kisses. I found it incredibly inspiring to realize that it was possible for me to perform anything a million times- let alone showering my daughter with affection. I spent some time wordsmithing my findings into a poem, and “One Million Kisses: The Promise of 153” was born.
Determined to make an impact, I began to research the science behind kissing and quickly discovered how closely connected it is to cognitive function. The findings led me to expand my learning to child development, and eventually, I created a parenting program based around the concept of the “153 Promise.” I continue to develop my program with evidence-based research, neuroscience, and trauma-informed techniques.
Over the next few posts, I’m going to delve into each verb and discuss how to fully embrace the action in order to connect with your child in a meaningful way.
I’m very excited to begin writing about “The Four Verbs of L.O.V.E.” It is my hope that they will help families stay close and healthy.
You’re thirteen. You’re at the Super Bowl. And then… it happens. Your life becomes an instant meme.
Monday morning in home room at my school, more students were talking about Ryan McKenna than the Eagles’ victory. And we are a Philadelphia suburb.
Being the curious type, I went online and started looking up social media’s reactions to this teenager’s brush with JT’s stardom. I was horrified.
I’m not going to repeat any specific comments I read, but it makes me sick to think some people have no qualms criticizing Ryan’s actions during the halftime show. He was filming the concert. What happened was spontaneous. And it was live.
Why people feel the need to jump onto this bullying bandwagon of some boy is beyond me. These people need a lesson in empathy. How would THEY feel if they or their child were scrutinized the way Ryan has been judged? He didn’t do anything wrong. Why do they feel entitled to mock him as if he had no feelings?
Right now, he’s most likely still in shock. But eventually, he and his parent may start to take in all the cruel insinuations and false conclusions about the nature of this boy, and the content of his character.
All over a selfie.
If there’s anything good that can come of this sorry display, it can be a lesson in self esteem and resilience. This flash-in-the -pan moment of fame could either destroy or define his trajectory. If Ryan McKenna can rise above the taunts and hate, he’ll forever live an abundant life. And therein lies the blessing.
I have a #153Promise for you. When you have a moment with your children, talk to them about Ryan and the entire world’s reaction to his selfie. Then, relate it to your own family. How will your own kids respond when they are met with the negativity of others? If they are able to rise above and not give audience to the bullies, your children will remain confident and happy.
And to those who have felt the need to hope on that train of bullying, ask yourself, “what is going on inside my own heart that I feel the need to put someone else down and ruin their good fortune?”
And to Ryan’s family, I offer my most sincere support and kindness.
I had taken off a year from my blog to pursue other projects during a professional sabbatical during the 2016-2017 school calendar. That experience alone could be its own book. However, loooong story short, I very much miss my blogging about my 153Promise initiative, so I’m back!
I think I’ll begin catching you up by sharing with you all the articles I wrote for a local educational publication. They very graciously have given me permission to repost the content on 153Promise.
But before I do that, I feel the need to write something else that’s very current in the news. Stay tuned…
I’m going to make it MY #153Promise to write at least once a week.
This has been on my mind for the past few days with all the Mothers’ Day posts…
It’s great that many get excited over the day, but I just wanted to acknowledge that for some, this day brings up a lot of conflicted emotions…
-lost a mother
-are estranged from your mother
-have a toxic relationship with your mother
-never had a mother
-have had issues trying to become a mother or are a grieving mother
…or for any other reason, just aren’t feeling very celebratory towards Sunday…
From one woman to another, you never know if some girl in your neighborhood looks up to you and is inspired by you. Or you may mean something to someone else and you have no idea… even if nobody gets you a card, flowers, or takes you out for a meal.
So to all those ladies out there who would rather have this Sunday come and go, I honor you today.
PTSD is not just for veterans; it can happen to anybody if they have experienced or witnessed a particularly upsetting event. Children are at a higher risk of developing PTSD because they lack the sophisticated coping mechanisms to process certain stimuli.
When people think of sustaining a trauma, many conjure up images of combat, but children are constantly struggling to navigate the world even though they may not be on a battlefield.
Here are some “normal” events in a child’s life that may cause some “abnormal” responses in your younger family members:
5. A DEATH– it could be a grandparent or pet. We are able to accept the reality of death better than a child. The knowledge that they will never have that loved one in their life anymore could be felt way more intensely than you may realize.
4. A DIVORCE– when you think about it, this is a death, too. Their family as they know it is flat-lining.
3. A MOVE– again, another loss. They are losing their school, their friends, their house… Basically, their entire world.
2. An INJURY– While we as parents may be relieved that they “only” broke an arm or that they got better from their hospitalization, they may not feel that way. Getting an X-ray, getting blood drawn, having strangers look at them… all of these experiences could make them feel violated. In addition, TBI (traumatic brain injuries), or concussions, can also be traumatic, as the name implies. If the brain has sustained some impact and the brain is how we process information, it only stands to reason that a developing mind may need some help healing, or that there may be injuries that do not necessarily show up on a standard brain scan at the ER.
1. A DISCIPLINE– It could be a one-time occurrence, or a long-term environment of hostility. Do you find yourself yelling a lot? Doling out consequences for minor incidences? Do you lay your hands on your child? In short, do you find that your child is frequently crying or protesting as a result of your actions? This is a sign they are being traumatized. It’s a different form of PTSD- CPTSD, “C” meaning “Complex.”
Time doe NOT heal all wounds… Sometimes, we need to reach out to professionals to help us. Adults have a difficult enough time with asking for help; children need us to ask FOR them.
My next post in this series will be the Top Five “Normal” Symptoms that may indicate your child may be suffering from a trauma-induced event.
In the meantime, if you are concerned about your child, remember that you can contact their school’s guidance counselor at any time and they can assist you in getting your child the help they may need.
Make it the #153Promise to think about your child’s life from a child’s mind.
I recently attended a fundraising event. It was a local teacher and coach from a neighboring district who told anecdotes from his past 20 years in the classroom and on the field. All ticket sales went to helping local charitable organizations.
Some of his stories were funny; some were heartfelt; some were heartbreaking. But the one that really stayed with me was the one I’ll refer to as, “The Boy with the Red Ink.” I asked him if I could share it on my blog, and he graciously granted permission.
Rick was a new teacher and was getting familiar with the start-of-the-year routines; one of them involved index cards. Before the teachers ever met the students personally, they would get an index card filled with information about each child. The general information was written in black ink, but the really important information was written in red. When presented with the stack of cards for their class, most teachers would first flip through them quickly, hoping to view a black sea of notes. The more red; the more difficult the path that lie head.
When Rick came across one card, he was startled to see a shock of red ink. He noted the name and went onto the rest of his duties of getting ready before his class arrived for the first day of school.
His first interaction with the Boy with the Red Ink and his family was on Back to School night. The student came into the classroom and began picking up items off shelves and leaving havoc in his wake. The father was no different, yet he was yelling at the boy to put everything back where he got it from.
A bit perturbed, Rick asked, “Can I help you?”
“I know you; you’ve got my son in your class.”
“Yes,” replied Rick, “and do you mind putting down my globe?”
That set the tone for the year. But Rick was determined to be a positive influence on the boy. He found reasons to praise the boy. One particular incidence involved an elaborate setup with the office secretary. The plan was for Rick to “lose” his set of keys, whereby the Boy with the Red Ink would save the day. Rick gave the keys to the secretary and instructed her to wait about an hour and then call him over the PA system that the keys had been recovered.
When he announced to his students that his keys were lost, the whole class went into emergency rescue mode, turning over piece of oak tag and workbook, reassuring him that everything would be okay. When the announcement came over the loudspeaker, the class cheered.
Then Rick very dramatically said, “Okay, who can I trust to do the very important job of going to the office to get my keys?”
Immediately, all hands shot up. But then, he added, “I really need to be able to trust this person.” All hands stayed up, with the exception of one hand that slowly retreated. Rick’s heart sank; his plan had backfired. So he improvised:
“Listen, some of you may have made mistakes in the past, but that’s okay. When you came into this class, you had a clean slate.” Kids look confused. “That means a fresh start. So think really hard… who can I trust to get my keys?”
The Boy with the Red Ink slowly brought his hand up with the rest of his classmates’. When Rick called on the boy, all the students — including the boy — looked shocked. But the boy got up and left the classroom.
When he returned five minutes later, Rick bent down, got his keys, smiled and whispered in the boy’s ear, “I knew I could trust you.”
From then on, The Boy with the Red Ink changed. Many times, students like this come around gradually. But with this boy, it was an immediate and dramatic shift from the negative to the positive
One time, Rick decided to call home with a good report. But that same father answered the phone and as soon as he heard it was the boy’s teacher, the dad began cursing and bellowing for the son, using his first, middle and last name. When Rick explained that he was making a happy phone call home, the conversation went flat. But that didn’t stop Rick from working with the boy to keep his self esteem up and continue to improve.
That was in third grade. Once in fourth and fifth grade, Rick’s power to influence the boy lessened.
Four or five years later, Rick was driving in his car and he saw the Boy with the Red Ink run across the street with a bunch of his middle school buddies. The boy called out to Rick, and he stopped his car to get out and talk to the boy. His buddies must have teased him because his demeanor changed by the time Rick approached him.
“Hey! How are you doing?” Rick asked.
“Fine,” the boy replied in a very nonchalant way.
He wanted to say something about the crowd he was running around with. He wanted to ask how his father was doing. How was school? But, sensing the boy’s embarrassment, Rick kept is short. “Well, it was really great seeing you,” was all he said.
“I gotta go.” That was the last thing Rick ever heard the boy say.
A few years later, word got back to Rick that the Boy with the Red Ink had wound up in jail. It broke his heart.
At this point, you may wonder why he told this story to an audience of fellow teachers. His point was not do discourage people from trying. Rather, to realize that sometimes, you can do your very best and wind up doing a great job; Rick did make a difference with the Boy with the Red Ink. But sometimes, it takes more than just one person.
Rick’s message was that if EVERYBODY takes that type of interest in people who desperately need it, maybe we can have a world with a little less red ink.
Of all the anecdotes Rick told that night, this story stuck with me the most.
Make it your #153Promise to keep the cap on the red pen.
I promised the original Facebook poster that I’d put this on my blog to warn other parents about this potential danger:
It took my brain a moment to actually understand what happened in the picture… (It doesn’t take much to get me confused, lol!) Apparently, someone had left the visor down with the mirror exposed. (Some visors have covers for the mirrors; others don’t.) The mirror must have acted like Piggy’s glasses in Lord of the Flies and started a fire!
Thank goodness it happened while they were in the car! But can you imagine what could have happened if this had been in a parking lot while they were out shopping or running errands?!?
I mean, who’d think something like this could happen?
So here are a few suggestions:
get in the habit of checking that all visors are up
make sure no mirrors/lenses or any potential fire starters are left in the car
tape all mirrored visors shut and put a little affirmation saying, “You’re beautiful!”
There are some posts on Facebook that I could easily do without… then there are ones like this that could easily avoid tragedies.
I’m so thankful I saw this picture this morning- and also glad that the poster’s family was not hurt. That image of the scorched upholstery will be burned in my mind for quite a while…
(Yes, I did go there!)
Make it your 153Promise to keep your family safe at all times!
-Perez did NOT sign a form excusing him from such treatment
-At no time did the school say paddle or jail for mom
-The son had hit another student, ran away from teachers, and spit.
-Perez has no medical records to support her claim that her son has extenuating circumstances leading to his absence.
My analysis? This means that her “excuse” that she had her son paddled to avoid jail (which would have been horrible enough!) is not even true. Therefore, we WILLINGLY let her son be hit by school officials… and she uploaded the video on her SM platform.
Now, she’s trying to milk her 15 seconds of fame by possibly seeking out a lawsuit.
I’ll keep checking back and update everyone about this parenting train wreck.
I’m trying to see the silver lining in this story… maybe this much-publicized news event will wake people up to the fact that corporal punishment — which includes spanking! — is NOT a good way to teach discipline to your child.
Make it your #153Promise to never hit — or let others hit (including partners) — your child.