Month: March 2016

Be a Positive Parenting Example: A Lesson from Dr. Phil

On By JenniferOzgurIn Parenting, ValidationLeave a comment
Dr Phil
Dr. Phil

I only have a few guilty pleasures anymore; one of them is watching Dr. Phil as I do cardio at the Y after a full day of teaching.

Today’s show got me very involved- so much that I almost had to stop exercising because I was starting to cry.

It involved a whole family.  The parents were married for 13 years and had three children- two girls (15 and 9) and an 8 year old boy.  The parents’ marriage was in a shambles.  The father had been away on the road for several years and felt out of place upon his return.  He used his size as an intimidation factor with the younger children and had pretty much checked out as a husband.  The mother appeared to have a sense of entitlement and seemed to aggravate the situation.  Both parents favored the younger opposite sex child while leaving the older sister out in the cold.

It should come as no surprise that the children were suffering immensely- the younger ones were acting out at everyone, while the older was isolating in her room just to find peace.

The first half of the show was spent getting to know just how dysfunctional the family was.  Yelling parents, violent kids, and an older sibling caught in the middle.  But once Dr. Phil had the couple look each other in the eyes and tearfully express their desire to make things right, there seemed to be hope.

Then the 15 year old came out.  She explained how she felt the burden of trying to keep the family together.  Through all of this, she still manages to get good grades and learn several languages (Spanish, Russian, Finnish, Chinese and Japanese, to name a few).  Dr. Phil had her close her eyes and imagine talking to a girl who’s taking on the role of peacemaker to her family and blaming herself for failing to solve all the problems.  This is when it hit me.  [Click here to watch the video.]  This is what she says:

“You should watch to see what NOT to do when you are married and have a family.  That way, you won’t make that mistake.  And your family can thrive in the future, even if, right now, it’s falling apart.”

This young lady is so wise beyond her years.  But what really got me emotional was that she received more L.O.V.E. from Dr. Phil in 3 minutes than she’s ever had from her parents over the past several years.

What’s also chilling to me is that this family was not an off-the-charts scenario.  I’m sure many people would be able to identify with some of their own family’s behavior.

This teenager is the exact reason I started #153Promise.  I want to reach out to parents everywhere so they can become aware of their actions and make sure they are practicing trauma-free parenting.  No child should be using their mom and dad as examples of what NOT to do later on in life.

I applaud her insight and maturity to realize that she wants to leave a better legacy for her children than what she’s been given in her life.

Make it your #153Promise to be a positive example for your children.

 

Keep Calm and Learn On! 3 Changes To Bring Back the Love of Learning

On By JenniferOzgurIn Health, Love, Parenting, SchoolLeave a comment
Girl Studying
What’s it all for???

It may sound obvious that school is for learning, but I think we sometimes get caught up in the grades that people lose sight of that fact.  Students are so concerned about getting the GRADES that they forget to actually pay attention to concepts that are being taught in class.  Where does that come from?

Parents- are you responsible for emphasizing grades over an education?  Are you inadvertently stressing your kids out by expecting As over progress?    Research shows that anxiety leads to forgetfulness.  Chances are, the more you get your kids stressed over school and grades, paradoxically, the less they will learn.

Here are three changes you can make to help your students stress less and enjoy school more.

3. Stop checking grades so often.  If you are the type of parent who signs up to get notifications every time a teacher enters a new grade, stop that service.  Remember my posts about kids and cell phones?  The same holds true for you.  Do not check your phone every day for updates on your kids’ grades.  Otherwise, they will be doing the same thing so you don’t know their grades before they do.  Instead, every other week should be enough.  That’s about 4 times a marking period.  And only do that so you’re not twisting in the wind.  Don’t pounce on them for an 82.  Life will go on and when you are a grand parent one day, you will not remember that 82 in Math.  But you will benefit from the supportive (not stressful!) relationship you cultivated with your child.

2. Stop asking about how they did in school.  I have VERY bad memories of the dinner table with my family when I was a kid- mainly, because they would use that time as a debriefing on the status of my upcoming report card.  That’s probably the reason I had developed gastritis as a teenager.  Instead, say to them, “Tell me three things you learned in school today.”  At first, they may say, “Nothing.”  But if you help them by asking them, “Well, what about science?  What are you learning about?  Animals?  The weather…” they will start to open up.  It may take some time, but if they see that this new change is NOT going to go away, they may start to give you answers faster- if only to get it over with!  Reward them with what YOU learned that day, as well.

1. Stop helping them to study.  Yes, that’s right.  If you are going over the study guide for tomorrow’s test, you are now becoming the Gestapo and it’s not going to be a fun experience.  Instead, come to them when the stakes are NOT high- like when they are reading a chapter of the novel for English, or doing a current events article in History.  Actually show an interest in what they thing about the subject.  That way, they will see that you really care about them and what they think about the world- not just a number at the top of a paper.

Make the #153Promise to remind your children that they mean more to you than a GPA.

-Kisses!  XxXx

 

Top 5 Reasons These Pez Parents Stink

On By JenniferOzgurIn ParentingLeave a comment
pez_egg_hunt
Pez Promotional Poster

Have you heard by now that an Easter egg hunt sponsored by Pez was an epic fail, thanks to some thankless parents in Connecticut?

Puts my Easter Basket post into perspective…

Here are the Top 5 Reasons these parents should go to Pez Prison for being such lousy parents:

5.  They can’t follow directions– you are not supposed to go until the officials tell you to.  How frustrating is it when your own children don’t follow your instructions?  But how can we expect children to pay attention to rules if adults can’t?

4.  They have poor impulse control and lack patience– The number one predictor of successful adults is if children are able to delay gratification.  I constantly give my children opportunities to self soothe and learn to wait gracefully to get what they want.  I guess these parents never got that lesson… neither will their children, I’m guessing.

3.  They helicoptor over their kids’ event– In one of the comments on a Facebook rant over the event, someone made the very good point that adults aren’t even supposed to be on the field!  The normal protocol is to hold back your kids until the officials give the green light and then encourage your kids from the sideline.

2.  They claim no responsibility– After the horrible debacle, Pez received the blame by many.  I’m guess the ones who had the audacity to shame Pez were the same ones to “bum-rush” the hunt.  That whole “not me” attitude is nothing short of narcissistic.

1. They model bullying behavior– Four-year-olds had broken baskets and bloody noses.  Really???  Pretty much says it all…

There’s GOT to be someone who took a video of the event with a cell phone.  I for one would LOVE to see that turned over to the police and arrests be made.

I want to see mug shots of horrible parents, caught in the act of pushing little kids, knowing they are now having to defend themselves from charges of assaulting a child.

Even as bad as what happened to the traumatized kids, they at least have parents who were the rule followers.  Their parents will most likely run to their children’s side, calm them, and turn this into a lesson.

Know who’s really out of luck?  Those poor kids whose parents were the culprits.  They may have scored a basket full of Pez on Saturday, but they don’t have a fighting chance regarding positive parental role models.

Make it your #153Promise to always be on your best behavior for your children’s sake.

-Kisses!  XxXx

 

 

Hopping Mad Over Easter Basket Excess

On By JenniferOzgurIn Parenting3 Comments

Once again, I come downstairs (7:30 am is sleeping in for a teacher) this Sunday morning, sign onto my Facebook with a cup of decaf (I’m contemplating going back to high test, but that’s another topic), and find posts of proud mommies with the Easter baskets they made for their kids. But not pics like this:

east basket with chocolate eggs
A modest Easter basket

We’re talking super-sized, gut-busting gluttonous baskets, pails and sacks of Lord-knows-what.

When did Easter get to be another opportunity to over indulge and keep kids in Entitlement Mode?

Last I checked, Easter, is NOT about a bunny; it’s about Christians celebrating the resurrection of Jesus, whom they accept as their personal savior.

I am a purist when it comes to religion; it really irks me to see the origin of a holiday take a back seat to consumerism and nonsense that has nothing to do with the spirit of the day.

Jesus on the cross
The REAL subject of Easter

It’s as if every time I see a giant bunny rabbit with a bow-tie handing out plastic eggs with candy, I get this vision of Jesus on the cross, clearing his throat and saying:

Psssst…  Hey, you… yeah, YOU!  The one with their kids slamming jelly beans and hunting for eggs?  I’m dying’ over here!  Like, literally!!!  Remember me???  It’d be nice if you do me a solid and mention to your children that I’m the reason why you’ve got this whole basket gig on Sunday morning…

Children benefit from learning about customs and family traditions; it gives them a sense of belonging and identity.  But that’s only if they understand the meaning behind the actions.  Otherwise, the effort put into making all those goody baskets is all for naught.

So please, if you go through all the work to assemble gifts or other activities for this HOLY-day, make the same effort to teach your children the true definition of Easter- church service, and all.  Otherwise, what are they really learning from you?

Make the #153Promise to educate your family about your religion so they don’t turn to worshiping the wrong god of consumerism.

-Kisses!  XxXx

 

Time for Another Author’s Update! 3.21.16

On By JenniferOzgurIn Organization and Business, Parenting, WritingLeave a comment

mommy kisses baby

My book adventure continues to pick up steam!  Click HERE to read more about my most recent developments in my “One Million Kisses” saga, in addition to getting #153Promise off the ground.

In this entry, I highlight more interaction with my publisher regarding branding me as an author and the work my husband and I are doing to turn this blog into a legitimate nonprofit organization!

As I stated in the update: No wonder why all those male authors are always so moody- it’s the closest thing they’ll ever get to giving birth! ; )

-Kisses! XxXx

“Mom… I don’t feel good.” 5 Ways to Diagnose a Cold

On By JenniferOzgurIn Health, Parenting, SchoolLeave a comment

It’s 7.  You can’t get them out of bed.  They say they are sick.

Home sick from school

Here’s a Parent Proof Plan on how to decide whether or not your child is legitimately sick, or just has “Testitis,” a sudden case of dread due to an exam.

  1. Take their temperature… with you present.  We’ve all seen Ferris Buler’s Day Off.  You can put a thermometer on a light bulb.  CFLs?  You can rub it on sheets to make the heat from the friction raise the temperature.  How do I know?  I got the T-shirt.
  2. Ask to smell their breath if they said they puked.  Gross, yes.  But if you didn’t actually hear the heaves and/or they didn’t tell you ahead of time that they were going to throw up, I’d be suspect.  It’s not a fun time (remember college?), and they usually would call for you before.  So if they claim they hurled but they conveniently already finished and flushed, ask to get a whiff.
  3. Remind them that sleep deprivation is NOT an illness.  Yanking them out of bed when they are just too tired may be the repercussion they need to inspire them to get to bed earlier next time.  Allowing them to snooze for an hour only enables them to stay up later in the future.
  4. Tell them that if they can’t go to school, all other activities are cancelled until further notice.  No practice.  No play dates.  No video games.  Once they realize they’ll be under house arrest, they may feel cured in five minutes.
  5. Tell them that you are going to email all their teachers and will have them do a work-from-home session.  When they hear of this plan for their sick day, they may realize that it’ll be more hassle to stay home than to just buck up and make it in to pledge allegiance to their education.

Continue reading ““Mom… I don’t feel good.” 5 Ways to Diagnose a Cold” →

5 Things No Responsible Parent Will Allow Their Child To Do

On By JenniferOzgurIn Parenting, Relationships10 Comments

No, this isn’t some quirky post where I twist the title around… I really mean that no parent in their right mind should allow the following five activities.  The stakes are just too great.

Game, Video, Gaming, Controller, Hands

  1.  Violent Video Games.  At.  All.  (Applies more to boys.)  The effects of these games are just too great.  They are linked to violence in real life and predict criminal activity in the future.  They actually develop part of the brain that creates aggression and rewards distractibility and risk-taking behavior.  And thanks to this supreme court ruling, kids can buy all video games rated “M” for mature.Iphone, Template, Mockup, Mock-Up
  2. Be On Social Media.  (Applies more to girls.)  Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat and whatever newest thing to come along will only cause anxiety in teens.  FOMO (fear of missing out) creates major stress if their post does not get enough “likes.”  They obsess.  They hatch plans, post, and check back.  It’s just not healthy.  If you ban all social media, your teen will NOT be ostracized; they’ll just be known as the, “kid with the weird parent.”  And all other teens will secretly wish their parent cared that much to remove that pressure from their lives.  Think you’ve taken care of that by installing spyware or some other app on their phone?  Think again.  There are sites like this one that kids can look up.  Bed Linen, Awake, Crumpled, Sheets
  3. Take Their Phone To Bed.  I’ve already written about this here, but it bears repeating.  If your child takes their phone to bed, they  will NOT be sleeping; they’ll be responding to texts.  Make them give it to you when they go to bed… at a reasonable time.Supermarket, Cola, Soft Drink, Soda
  4. Eat/Drink Anything With HFCS.  High fructose corn syrup is just plain evil.  It is not recognized by the body as food, spikes blood sugar levels- casing crashes, and leads to health complications like diabetes and obesity.  If kids are drinking soda, eating processed snacks or downing PB&J, they are going to be functioning on a roller-coaster in their body.  Go through your pantry and fridge; read the labels; purge.  Then start putting only healthy items in your cart at the grocery store.Stairs, Shopping Mall, Shop, Shopping
  5. Be Unattended With Kids’ Parents You Don’t Know.  This includes things like sleepovers, parties, and going to the mall.  There’s just no way to monitor what the OTHER kids are doing because you have no idea… like violating all five of the above rules, for example…  One way to still let them have fun is to be the host and carefully screen the list of invites and reach out to parents of those kids.

So how to enforce these rules?  Tell your kids that you love them and want what’s best for them.  Let them get upset- especially if these rules are coming from out of the blue.  They may pitch a fit, whine, cry, “hate you,” roll their eyes, or give you the silent treatment… or a combination.  Don’t cave in.  Ride the storm.  Eventually, they will calm down.

Consider giving them something they’ve been wanting for a long time that’s a healthy alternative to soften the blow- take them to that place they’ve been wanting to go or get them that overpriced clothing item for being such a good sport.

And just remind them that there’s a difference between a “NEED” and a “WANT.”

You’re the parent; only YOU can be their protector.  Make the #153Promise to be the responsible one!!!

Kisses!  XxXx

*Thank you to Dr. Leonard Sax for his talk last Sunday for emphasizing the importance of some of these issues!

 

 

The Benefits of a Smaller Publishing House

On By JenniferOzgurIn Organization and Business, Uncategorized, WritingLeave a comment

Pencil, Sharpener, Notebook, PaperPlease read the highlights of my most recent phone conversations with my publisher here in my Writer’s Journal.

There’s no way I’d be getting so much attention from a larger publishing house.  We brainstorm, he challenges me, and I’m leaning a lot from him.

While I still dream about one day signing with a larger company, having an agent, a publicist, and all the other trappings of a famous author, I can honestly say that I don’t know if I know enough about the industry yet.  I’m enjoying learning all of the aspects of what it takes to create a book, promote it and get it into the hands of the public.

Hopefully, you’re learning something right along with me, too!  : )

Be Their Universe…

On By JenniferOzgurIn Love, Relationships, Validation, WritingLeave a comment

Universe, Person, Silhouette, Star, Joy

You know the saying that if you put something out there into the universe, it will come back to you???  Well, I spoke on the phone to my publisher again last night.  I know, right???  (I will update the results of the conversation in tomorrow’s post.)

It’s all coming together… I can feel it…

Continue reading “Be Their Universe…” →

If We Judged Politicians by Their Parenting Skills…

On By JenniferOzgurIn Parenting, politics, UncategorizedLeave a comment

White House, Mansion, President, Home

If the President of the United States is the one in charge of our country, wouldn’t it make sense to see how good of a job they did being in charge of another human being?

What if we paid less attention to all of the back biting at the debate podiums and started paying attention to how their kids turned out?

I’d love to see the KIDS of the candidates be interviewed…  What are they doing now?  Who would refuse to speak?  Do they show signs of coaching?  How do they react to a curve-ball question?

So if this reaches anybody in the media, I pose this challenge: ask the candidates’ kids what their childhood was like and how they think this would translate into what kind of nation we would have if their dad (or mom!) were to become president.