Another Mother’s Day Perspective

inspired by a sunriseThis has been on my mind for the past few days with all the Mothers’ Day posts…

It’s great that many get excited over the day, but I just wanted to acknowledge that for some, this day brings up a lot of conflicted emotions…

If you:
-lost a mother
-are estranged from your mother
-have a toxic relationship with your mother
-never had a mother
-have had issues trying to become a mother or are a grieving mother

…or for any other reason, just aren’t feeling very celebratory towards Sunday…

I understand.
It’s okay.

From one woman to another, you never know if some girl in your neighborhood looks up to you and is inspired by you. Or you may mean something to someone else and you have no idea… even if nobody gets you a card, flowers, or takes you out for a meal.

So to all those ladies out there who would rather have this Sunday come and go, I honor you today.

-Kisses XxXx

How to Give Your Child “One Million Kisses” My Debut Book Is Finally Available for Purchase!

One Million KissesIt’s been over ten years since I became a mom and wrote a poem about kissing my daughter.  Over ten months since meeting with a publisher.

Even though I knew this day was coming, I’m still surprised that it’s finally here… I’m a published author with a book out on the market!

For less than ten dollars, you will:

  • have a sweet illustrated poem that teaches about the concept of one million and how families can give and get “One Million Kisses”
  • support a small, independent brick and mortar children’s book publishing company
  • contribute to my “Trauma-Free Parenting” movement
  • help with my vision of reaching out to families that takes a proactive approach to mental health issues.

CLICK HERE to buy the book!

 

Shana Perez Investigation Confirms My Points

paddling school georgia perez
Boy gets paddled while mom films it

More is coming to light regarding the paddling incident in Georgia.

The finer points are:

-Paddling is legal in Georgia

-Perez did NOT sign a form excusing him from such treatment

-At no time did the school say paddle or jail for mom

-The son had hit another student, ran away from teachers, and spit.

-Perez has no medical records to support her claim that her son has extenuating circumstances leading to his absence.

My analysis?  This means that her “excuse” that she had her son paddled to avoid jail (which would have been horrible enough!) is not even true.  Therefore, we WILLINGLY let her son be hit by school officials… and she uploaded the video on her SM platform.

Now, she’s trying to milk her 15 seconds of fame by possibly seeking out a lawsuit.

I’ll keep checking back and update everyone about this parenting train wreck.

I’m trying to see the silver lining in this story… maybe this much-publicized news event will wake people up to the fact that corporal punishment — which includes spanking! — is NOT a good way to teach discipline to your child.

Make it your #153Promise to never hit — or let others hit (including partners) — your child.

-Kisses! XxXx

 

Dr. Laura of Aha! Parenting- A Kindred Spirit

happy family, mulitcultural

Last night, I attended a parenting seminar organized by our school district.  The focus was on handling sibling conflict.

As soon as I learned about the event, I knew right away that I wanted to be there- not because my children fight (I’m very happy to say my 10 and 3 year old are very loving to each other!), but because I wanted to see if a prominent expert in the field of parenting and I are on the same page.

I was given a handout upon entering the auditorium outlining some of the speaker’s finer points.  Right way, I knew I’d be in for a very affirming evening; THREE of my 4 Verbs of Love were on the sheet!

Psychologist, author, coach and speaker Dr. Laura Markham presented a wealth of information regarding ways to approach your children in a manner that is kind, rather than combative.

I can’t possibly get into all the details on this post, but I must have looked like a bobble head all night because I was nodding my head in agreement almost constantly.

Not only were we on the same page; I took about a page of my own notes — my own Aha! moments, if you will — that I plan to make as future posts, linking back to her site every time.

But for now, I leave you with the way to purchase her two books.

Make it your #153Promise to create a trauma-free parenting (my tagline) environment by picking up a copies of her Peaceful Parenting series today.  You and your children will be happier for it!

Kisses! XxXx

Keep Calm and Learn On! 3 Changes To Bring Back the Love of Learning

Girl Studying
What’s it all for???

It may sound obvious that school is for learning, but I think we sometimes get caught up in the grades that people lose sight of that fact.  Students are so concerned about getting the GRADES that they forget to actually pay attention to concepts that are being taught in class.  Where does that come from?

Parents- are you responsible for emphasizing grades over an education?  Are you inadvertently stressing your kids out by expecting As over progress?    Research shows that anxiety leads to forgetfulness.  Chances are, the more you get your kids stressed over school and grades, paradoxically, the less they will learn.

Here are three changes you can make to help your students stress less and enjoy school more.

3. Stop checking grades so often.  If you are the type of parent who signs up to get notifications every time a teacher enters a new grade, stop that service.  Remember my posts about kids and cell phones?  The same holds true for you.  Do not check your phone every day for updates on your kids’ grades.  Otherwise, they will be doing the same thing so you don’t know their grades before they do.  Instead, every other week should be enough.  That’s about 4 times a marking period.  And only do that so you’re not twisting in the wind.  Don’t pounce on them for an 82.  Life will go on and when you are a grand parent one day, you will not remember that 82 in Math.  But you will benefit from the supportive (not stressful!) relationship you cultivated with your child.

2. Stop asking about how they did in school.  I have VERY bad memories of the dinner table with my family when I was a kid- mainly, because they would use that time as a debriefing on the status of my upcoming report card.  That’s probably the reason I had developed gastritis as a teenager.  Instead, say to them, “Tell me three things you learned in school today.”  At first, they may say, “Nothing.”  But if you help them by asking them, “Well, what about science?  What are you learning about?  Animals?  The weather…” they will start to open up.  It may take some time, but if they see that this new change is NOT going to go away, they may start to give you answers faster- if only to get it over with!  Reward them with what YOU learned that day, as well.

1. Stop helping them to study.  Yes, that’s right.  If you are going over the study guide for tomorrow’s test, you are now becoming the Gestapo and it’s not going to be a fun experience.  Instead, come to them when the stakes are NOT high- like when they are reading a chapter of the novel for English, or doing a current events article in History.  Actually show an interest in what they thing about the subject.  That way, they will see that you really care about them and what they think about the world- not just a number at the top of a paper.

Make the #153Promise to remind your children that they mean more to you than a GPA.

-Kisses!  XxXx

 

Be Their Universe…

Universe, Person, Silhouette, Star, Joy

You know the saying that if you put something out there into the universe, it will come back to you???  Well, I spoke on the phone to my publisher again last night.  I know, right???  (I will update the results of the conversation in tomorrow’s post.)

It’s all coming together… I can feel it…

Continue reading “Be Their Universe…”

Too Good to Wait to Share…

Child, Father, The Son Of, Family, BoyI’m not a fan of reblogging, but I DO want to pass this post along.  It warms my heart to have a DAD writing about parenting- and specifically such a sensitive topic.

Thanks, dude!

Next week, I’ll be writing about the highlights of the stress workshop for parents I attended this past week.

-Kisses! XxXx

What You Kept Hearing as a Kid…

Close-Up, Communication, Deaf, EarPositive or not, what your parents said to you over and over when you were growing up has a lasting effect.

It becomes a mantra –consciously or otherwise — and will manifest in your own parenting if not acknowledged.

A little memory exercise to recall what you heard as a kid might create some awareness in what you say to your own children.

The ones I heard were:

  • Stop crying, or I’ll give you something to cry about
  • Either put it away, or chuck it away
  • JENNIFER!!! (usually from another room, just before the you-know-what hit the fan)
  • If you hate me so much, then just divorce me (said by Mom to Dad after his criticism)
  • Jerk
  • Candy Ass
  • Lazy
  • You’ll never get into college and will wind up homeless

and then, the most confusing:

  • I love you/I’m sorry

I make it my #153Promise ever day to not belittle my children and/or send them mixed messages.  I love them.  I appreciate them.  I value them.  Love should not bring shame, fear or guilt.

Saint, Meditation, Yoga, Meditating

Please make it your #153Promise to examine the messages you send to you children.  Ask them what they hear you say a lot.  Make it during a calm time.  Make them feel safe with their response.

It may just open your eyes… and ears.

-Kisses! XxXx

More Ink… Documenting Love

Journal, Desk, Wood, Notebook, WritingMy ten year old daughter loves it when I write her notes in the morning before I go off to school since I leave before she wakes up.  It starts off her day feeling loved, even though I’m not there to wish her well.

So when I saw a free journal up for grabs at the used book store, I took it.

Now, when I write a note, I no longer scrounge around the house for a lone scrap of paper- I turn a page of the journal.  She’s also taken to writing back to me.

This way, we’ll have a nice memory of all the notes written back and forth.

Make the #153Promise to honor your children in small but meaningful ways, everyday, by starting a memoir of your daily love in ink.

-Kisses! XxXx

A Parenting Parable in Ink

Here’s an anecdote…

A woman gets a tattoo with her name on it.  There’s a deep symbolic meaning as to why she got it.  (As all tattoos should be!)

Family, Mama, Daughter, Tattoo, Hold Hands, Hands

This woman then proceeds to become a mother three times.  Her body is pulled and stretched in many miraculous directions.  After the birth of her third child, she notices that the ink has also shifted, and her name is no longer legible.  She’s distraught.

While I totally can appreciate the dismay at the lost artwork (I have four tats of my own), I would like to lovingly suggest to remember that you have created works of art in your own right, far more precious than what happened in that parlor next to the stainless steel gauges.

Always the poet, I see another symbolism in the fact that it was her name that got distorted.  Yes, she knows what it was, but it’s changed.

Doesn’t that happen to you when you become a parent?  Yes, you still remember your old self, but once you have children, you are never again the same.  Like that misshapen tattoo, our essential self is indelible.  We retain our essence throughout our lives.  However, our parenting selves cause us to view — and be viewed by — the world in a new way.

So if “Ashley” morphs into “Maybe” or “Michael” is deciphered as “Nipple,” I’d look to the deep metaphor that like a tattoo, our children mark us forever.

Make the #153Promise to celebrate the way your children have changed your ink.

-Kisses! XxXx