Category: Health

Children and PTSD- 5 Common Events That Could Put Them At Risk

On By JenniferOzgurIn Health, ParentingLeave a comment
trauma PTSD
One of the biggest lies…

PTSD is not just for veterans; it can happen to anybody if they have experienced or witnessed a particularly upsetting event.  Children are at a higher risk of developing PTSD because they lack the sophisticated coping mechanisms to process certain stimuli.

When people think of sustaining a trauma, many conjure up images of combat, but children are constantly struggling to navigate the world even though they may not be on a battlefield.

Here are some “normal” events in a child’s life that may cause some “abnormal” responses in your younger family members:

5. A DEATH– it could be a grandparent or pet.  We are able to accept the reality of death better than a child.  The knowledge that they will never have that loved one in their life anymore could be felt way more intensely than you may realize.

4. A DIVORCE– when you think about it, this is a death, too.  Their family as they know it is flat-lining.

3. A MOVE– again, another loss.  They are losing their school, their friends, their house… Basically, their entire world.

2. An INJURY– While we as parents may be relieved that they “only” broke an arm or that they got better from their hospitalization, they may not feel that way.  Getting an X-ray, getting blood drawn, having strangers look at them… all of these experiences could make them feel violated.  In addition, TBI (traumatic brain injuries), or concussions, can also be traumatic, as the name implies.  If the brain has sustained some impact and the brain is how we process information, it only stands to reason that a developing mind may need some help healing, or that there may be injuries that do not necessarily show up on a standard brain scan at the ER.

1. A DISCIPLINE– It could be a one-time occurrence, or a long-term environment of hostility.  Do you find yourself yelling a lot?  Doling out consequences for minor incidences?  Do you lay your hands on your child?  In short, do you find that your child is frequently crying or protesting as a result of your actions?  This is a sign they are being traumatized.  It’s a different form of PTSD- CPTSD, “C” meaning “Complex.”

Time doe NOT heal all wounds… Sometimes, we need to reach out to professionals to help us.  Adults have a difficult enough time with asking for help; children need us to ask FOR them.

My next post in this series will be the Top Five “Normal” Symptoms that may indicate your child may be suffering from a trauma-induced event.

In the meantime, if you are concerned about your child, remember that you can contact their school’s guidance counselor at any time and they can assist you in getting your child the help they may need.

Make it the #153Promise to think about your child’s life from a child’s mind.

-Kisses! XxXx

 

 

 

Hidden Car Danger Staring You In The Face!

On By JenniferOzgurIn Health, ParentingLeave a comment

I promised the original Facebook poster that I’d put this on my blog to warn other parents about this potential danger:

Mirror starts fire in car
Keep Those Visors Flipped Up!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It took my brain a moment to actually understand what happened in the picture… (It doesn’t take much to get me confused, lol!)   Apparently, someone had left the visor down with the mirror exposed. (Some visors have covers for the mirrors; others don’t.) The mirror must have acted like Piggy’s glasses in Lord of the Flies and started a fire!

Thank goodness it happened while they were in the car!  But can you imagine what could have happened if this had been in a parking lot while they were out shopping or running errands?!?

I mean, who’d think something like this could happen?

So here are a few suggestions:

  • get in the habit of checking that all visors are up
  • make sure no mirrors/lenses or any potential fire starters are left in the car
  • tape all mirrored visors shut and put a little affirmation saying, “You’re beautiful!”

There are some posts on Facebook that I could easily do without… then there are ones like this that could easily avoid tragedies.

I’m so thankful I saw this picture this morning- and also glad that the poster’s family was not hurt.  That image of the scorched upholstery will be burned in my mind for quite a while…

(Yes, I did go there!)  

Make it your 153Promise to keep your family safe at all times!

-Kisses! XxXx

 

Keep Calm and Learn On! 3 Changes To Bring Back the Love of Learning

On By JenniferOzgurIn Health, Love, Parenting, SchoolLeave a comment
Girl Studying
What’s it all for???

It may sound obvious that school is for learning, but I think we sometimes get caught up in the grades that people lose sight of that fact.  Students are so concerned about getting the GRADES that they forget to actually pay attention to concepts that are being taught in class.  Where does that come from?

Parents- are you responsible for emphasizing grades over an education?  Are you inadvertently stressing your kids out by expecting As over progress?    Research shows that anxiety leads to forgetfulness.  Chances are, the more you get your kids stressed over school and grades, paradoxically, the less they will learn.

Here are three changes you can make to help your students stress less and enjoy school more.

3. Stop checking grades so often.  If you are the type of parent who signs up to get notifications every time a teacher enters a new grade, stop that service.  Remember my posts about kids and cell phones?  The same holds true for you.  Do not check your phone every day for updates on your kids’ grades.  Otherwise, they will be doing the same thing so you don’t know their grades before they do.  Instead, every other week should be enough.  That’s about 4 times a marking period.  And only do that so you’re not twisting in the wind.  Don’t pounce on them for an 82.  Life will go on and when you are a grand parent one day, you will not remember that 82 in Math.  But you will benefit from the supportive (not stressful!) relationship you cultivated with your child.

2. Stop asking about how they did in school.  I have VERY bad memories of the dinner table with my family when I was a kid- mainly, because they would use that time as a debriefing on the status of my upcoming report card.  That’s probably the reason I had developed gastritis as a teenager.  Instead, say to them, “Tell me three things you learned in school today.”  At first, they may say, “Nothing.”  But if you help them by asking them, “Well, what about science?  What are you learning about?  Animals?  The weather…” they will start to open up.  It may take some time, but if they see that this new change is NOT going to go away, they may start to give you answers faster- if only to get it over with!  Reward them with what YOU learned that day, as well.

1. Stop helping them to study.  Yes, that’s right.  If you are going over the study guide for tomorrow’s test, you are now becoming the Gestapo and it’s not going to be a fun experience.  Instead, come to them when the stakes are NOT high- like when they are reading a chapter of the novel for English, or doing a current events article in History.  Actually show an interest in what they thing about the subject.  That way, they will see that you really care about them and what they think about the world- not just a number at the top of a paper.

Make the #153Promise to remind your children that they mean more to you than a GPA.

-Kisses!  XxXx

 

“Mom… I don’t feel good.” 5 Ways to Diagnose a Cold

On By JenniferOzgurIn Health, Parenting, SchoolLeave a comment

It’s 7.  You can’t get them out of bed.  They say they are sick.

Home sick from school

Here’s a Parent Proof Plan on how to decide whether or not your child is legitimately sick, or just has “Testitis,” a sudden case of dread due to an exam.

  1. Take their temperature… with you present.  We’ve all seen Ferris Buler’s Day Off.  You can put a thermometer on a light bulb.  CFLs?  You can rub it on sheets to make the heat from the friction raise the temperature.  How do I know?  I got the T-shirt.
  2. Ask to smell their breath if they said they puked.  Gross, yes.  But if you didn’t actually hear the heaves and/or they didn’t tell you ahead of time that they were going to throw up, I’d be suspect.  It’s not a fun time (remember college?), and they usually would call for you before.  So if they claim they hurled but they conveniently already finished and flushed, ask to get a whiff.
  3. Remind them that sleep deprivation is NOT an illness.  Yanking them out of bed when they are just too tired may be the repercussion they need to inspire them to get to bed earlier next time.  Allowing them to snooze for an hour only enables them to stay up later in the future.
  4. Tell them that if they can’t go to school, all other activities are cancelled until further notice.  No practice.  No play dates.  No video games.  Once they realize they’ll be under house arrest, they may feel cured in five minutes.
  5. Tell them that you are going to email all their teachers and will have them do a work-from-home session.  When they hear of this plan for their sick day, they may realize that it’ll be more hassle to stay home than to just buck up and make it in to pledge allegiance to their education.

Continue reading ““Mom… I don’t feel good.” 5 Ways to Diagnose a Cold” →

Kids and Stress… Round Peg; Square Hole

On By JenniferOzgurIn Health, Parenting, Relationships, School2 Comments

Sad, Learning, School, Reading, Challenging

The last hour of the Stress Workshop I attended was supposed to be a Q and A about how to best address stress with you children once it rears its ugly head.  I was looking forward to learning some tips and maybe even some proactive strategies.  It didn’t happen.

Instead, these were some of the questions that parents asked:

  • How can I get my kid to hand in her homework?
  • Why won’t my kid do his homework?
  • How can I get my kids to listen to me?
  • Why won’t my kid do his chores?

You see the pattern?  These weren’t actual open ended questions about how to HELP their kids; these were actually complaints disguised as questions.

Continue reading “Kids and Stress… Round Peg; Square Hole” →

Managing Stress: It’s a Continuum

On By JenniferOzgurIn Health, Parenting, SchoolLeave a comment

This is the third installment on my series of notes from the Stress Workshop I attended last week hosted by our school district…

Once the speaker, psychologist Lou Bevilacqua, defined stress and who gets it, he gave some basic tips on what to do.

Angry Man, Point, Finger, India, AngryFirst, he said the following strategies do NOT work:

  • yelling
  • threatening
  • shutting down
  • melting down
  • lecturing
  • bribing
  • blackmailing
  • nagging

and finally,

  • ignoring
  • invalidating

Continue reading “Managing Stress: It’s a Continuum” →

Defining Stress, Part Two: Finding Clarity

On By JenniferOzgurIn Health, ParentingLeave a comment

Once the audience’s participation died down, Dr. Bevilacqua brought some clarity to the idea of stress- what it is, what causes it and who is prone to suffer from it.

First, he echoed that yes, there are many things that can trigger a reaction through the day.  But it morphs into “stress” by meeting several criteria:

  1. intensity
  2. duration
  3. affecting our ability to be productive

That means that while some things may cause discomfort at the moment, it may not actually develop into stress.
Panic, Shout, PeopleIs a trip to the dentist stressful, or just not enjoyable?  It becomes “stress” only if the effects of anticipating the visit are over a prolonged period of time and get in the way of other activities.

How about a child’s test?  If they are concerned about the test, study, get a little nervous right before, take it, and then go about the rest of the day, then it’s inaccurate to label it as “stress.”  But if they constantly worry about that class, get ‘sick’ in order to avoid taking the test and can’t go to rehearsal or practice for another activity due to that event, then yes… it’s stress.

Continue reading “Defining Stress, Part Two: Finding Clarity” →

Defining Stress

On By JenniferOzgurIn Health, ParentingLeave a comment

That was the first question Dr. Bevilaqua addressed last Wednesday.

Cry, Zoom, Effect, Stress, Angry, Hustle And Bustle

A volunteer from the audience wrote down the responses that were brainstormed by the audience.  A variety of responses abounded:

  • feeling out of control
  • feeling helpless
  • feeling overwhelmed
  • pressure
  • anxiety/fear
  • too much to do and not enough time to do it
  • high expectations
  • high stakes
  • the “fight or flight” response (he told us “they” also have added “freeze”)
  • fear
  • the body’s response to a perceived threat  (that was mine!)

The list was much longer, but they started to morph into manifestations like:

  • headaches
  • stomach aches
  • school avoidance
  • irritability
  • sleeplessness
  • negative self talk
  • obsession/perseverating
  • catastrophizing
  • projecting

Continue reading “Defining Stress” →

What You Kept Hearing as a Kid…

On By JenniferOzgurIn Health, Love, Parenting, Relationships, ValidationLeave a comment

Close-Up, Communication, Deaf, EarPositive or not, what your parents said to you over and over when you were growing up has a lasting effect.

It becomes a mantra –consciously or otherwise — and will manifest in your own parenting if not acknowledged.

A little memory exercise to recall what you heard as a kid might create some awareness in what you say to your own children.

The ones I heard were:

  • Stop crying, or I’ll give you something to cry about
  • Either put it away, or chuck it away
  • JENNIFER!!! (usually from another room, just before the you-know-what hit the fan)
  • If you hate me so much, then just divorce me (said by Mom to Dad after his criticism)
  • Jerk
  • Candy Ass
  • Lazy
  • You’ll never get into college and will wind up homeless

and then, the most confusing:

  • I love you/I’m sorry

I make it my #153Promise ever day to not belittle my children and/or send them mixed messages.  I love them.  I appreciate them.  I value them.  Love should not bring shame, fear or guilt.

Saint, Meditation, Yoga, Meditating

Please make it your #153Promise to examine the messages you send to you children.  Ask them what they hear you say a lot.  Make it during a calm time.  Make them feel safe with their response.

It may just open your eyes… and ears.

-Kisses! XxXx

Moms: Please Stop “Wining” About Your Kids On Social Media

On By JenniferOzgurIn Health, ParentingLeave a comment

I used to drink, but I stopped when I got pregnant with my son.  I haven’t touched it since.

Maybe an ex-drinker is the worst when it comes to vocalizing the evil of alcohol consumption, but I’ve got to say, it really rubs me the wrong way when I see THIS on my FB wall:

Image result for wine mom meme

I’m sorry, but I just don’t think it’s funny that we as a society normalize drinking in excess:

Image result for wine mom meme

Sometimes, people even rope the kids into it:

Image result for wine meme                                 

I’m not saying my post is going to get people saying, “She’s right… from now on, no more alcohol.”  But please think about the message you are putting out there when you it comes to your behavior.

Do you want your kids to grow up thinking it’s funny to drink too much?  That parenting requires an addiction?  That their existence drives you to inebriate yourself?

Tipsy parents are not present parents.  Hungover parents are not fun parents.  If you are that stressed that you feel the need or entitlement to bask in the grape, maybe it’s time to simplify your life.

At the very least, make the #153Promise to do a little introspection regarding your daily habits and how they are represented to other people, most of all, your children.

-Kisses!