Kids and Stress? The Joke’s on You…

Business, Career, Depressed, Employee, ExhaustedI attended a workshop sponsored by our school district last Wednesday.  It was run by a middle school guidance counselor, and the speaker was a local psychiatrist.  You can read about his profile here.

It was meant for parents, but I attended as both a mother AND a teacher in the district.

We are a large, suburban school district in a town that holds the county seat.  We are predominantly White, with a growing population of Asian and Indian, some Black and finally a Latino/ELL population.  We are not without our challenges, but all press and data indicates that we are among the strongest in the state and nation.

The topic was supposed to be about stress of your children and how to help them, but what actually unfolded (from my perspective, anyway) was chilling.  By the end of the week, I’ll have explained what I mean, so be sure to keep coming back every day!

Many times, these events are preaching to the choir: those who attended are the parents who are already doing the right thing because they attend workshops about parenting.  But this time, all the right people were in the seats… but for all the wrong reasons.  And I fear that the message somehow got lost.  This is not to discredit the speaker, however.  I think as the evening progressed, both he and I realized that the focus of the night was shifting and there was not much to be done about it… except to maybe hold another night dedicated to that same topic of stress.

It was only 1.5 hours.  The first half an hour was dedicated to speaker, presenting on:

  • What is Stress?
  • When/Where does it happen?
  • Why does it happen?
  • What can we do about it?

From there, it was to open up as a discussion/Q and A period, where people could write questions on note cards and receive advice to best help their children deal with stressors in their lives… that’s when it got really interesting.

The GC (guidance counselor) did mention that this was intended to be the first in a series of talks, so there is some hope that the same crowd will come back… and when I say “crowd,” I mean about 250 people in a small administration room.  And I don’t even think it was publicized that much; I’m sure if there was another night with more advertising, we could easily move the venue to one of the middle schools and fill at least half of the auditorium.

In fact, that reminds me- I need to write to the GC about that prospect…   (I actually taught in her building for 13 years, so we have a rapport.)

As I said, I had attended as both a parent AND a teacher.  But in all honesty, I also attended as my blogging/writing self since I had planned to write about the night on this #153Promise site.  I had managed to speak with him for a minute or two after the engagement, exchange cards, and even get a promotional picture.  It was important to me to get his permission to write about the workshop, and he was very nice.

So make it the #153Promise to come back every day this week to find out what I learned about stress and your children.  You’ll be surprised to know that the audience taught me a lot more than the psychologist…

 

Too Good to Wait to Share…

Child, Father, The Son Of, Family, BoyI’m not a fan of reblogging, but I DO want to pass this post along.  It warms my heart to have a DAD writing about parenting- and specifically such a sensitive topic.

Thanks, dude!

Next week, I’ll be writing about the highlights of the stress workshop for parents I attended this past week.

-Kisses! XxXx

Journal Update, 2.26.16

Hop over to my Journal to read about developments of “One Million Kisses,” my children’s book that was the inspiration for #153Promise.

In it, I update about my social media, products, the progress with my publisher and my general stress of launching a book.

I have a busy weekend with BOTH of my children being in the winter gymnastics show.  This will be the third on for my daughter (she turns 10.5 on Monday- yes leap day!) and my son’s first (at 3.5, he’s finally old enough to be in the Y program).

In my “spare time,” I’ll be working on posts all for next week.  They will all be outlining the highlights of the “Stress Workshop for Parents” I attended this past Wednesday.  It was very… interesting.  Stay tuned!

And in case you missed my logo when I pushed it out, here it is:

153PRMSINSTTT

Have a Happy Friday!

-Kisses! XxXx

 

What You Kept Hearing as a Kid…

Close-Up, Communication, Deaf, EarPositive or not, what your parents said to you over and over when you were growing up has a lasting effect.

It becomes a mantra –consciously or otherwise — and will manifest in your own parenting if not acknowledged.

A little memory exercise to recall what you heard as a kid might create some awareness in what you say to your own children.

The ones I heard were:

  • Stop crying, or I’ll give you something to cry about
  • Either put it away, or chuck it away
  • JENNIFER!!! (usually from another room, just before the you-know-what hit the fan)
  • If you hate me so much, then just divorce me (said by Mom to Dad after his criticism)
  • Jerk
  • Candy Ass
  • Lazy
  • You’ll never get into college and will wind up homeless

and then, the most confusing:

  • I love you/I’m sorry

I make it my #153Promise ever day to not belittle my children and/or send them mixed messages.  I love them.  I appreciate them.  I value them.  Love should not bring shame, fear or guilt.

Saint, Meditation, Yoga, Meditating

Please make it your #153Promise to examine the messages you send to you children.  Ask them what they hear you say a lot.  Make it during a calm time.  Make them feel safe with their response.

It may just open your eyes… and ears.

-Kisses! XxXx

My Stats for Today…

I woke up as a usually do.  Made my decaf, checked my email, Facebook, etc…

Then got ready to write my morning post, and I find THIS when I looked at my stats: Stats 2.24.16

I don’t know if you can zoom in on your screen, but that’s 92 view so far this morning!  But what’s curious is that there were only 8 visitors.  Plus, it’s only 6 am upon writing this post and ALL of the views are from the U.S.

What’s going on??? Who’s been tapping my site?  Should I be thrilled?  Creeped out??  Looking under my car before I get in to go to work???

I DID go to a great discussion on stress last night and I gave my card to the lecturer… (The content of last night will be the topic of all my posts next week.)  Maybe he checked it out early this morning?  Maybe I have a stalker.  Maybe both- since 8 people did see the site.

But now, ironically, I’m stressed out a little bit.

And I also got a call last night from my publisher, but he didn’t leave a message…  I know my book is supposed to go to the printers any day now.

I suppose the only thing is to wait and see.

 

Moms: Please Stop “Wining” About Your Kids On Social Media

I used to drink, but I stopped when I got pregnant with my son.  I haven’t touched it since.

Maybe an ex-drinker is the worst when it comes to vocalizing the evil of alcohol consumption, but I’ve got to say, it really rubs me the wrong way when I see THIS on my FB wall:

Image result for wine mom meme

I’m sorry, but I just don’t think it’s funny that we as a society normalize drinking in excess:

Image result for wine mom meme

Sometimes, people even rope the kids into it:

Image result for wine meme                                 

I’m not saying my post is going to get people saying, “She’s right… from now on, no more alcohol.”  But please think about the message you are putting out there when you it comes to your behavior.

Do you want your kids to grow up thinking it’s funny to drink too much?  That parenting requires an addiction?  That their existence drives you to inebriate yourself?

Tipsy parents are not present parents.  Hungover parents are not fun parents.  If you are that stressed that you feel the need or entitlement to bask in the grape, maybe it’s time to simplify your life.

At the very least, make the #153Promise to do a little introspection regarding your daily habits and how they are represented to other people, most of all, your children.

-Kisses!

 

 

Be a Corn Flake!

Okay, I’ll admit this is a stretch of a “post” (sorry Kellogg’s!), but I’m inspired to write about it, so I’m silencing my inner editor and rolling with it.

It was a glorious two-hour-delay this past Tuesday, thanks to a Presidential sleet storm.  I was able to get up with my 3 1/2 year old son and enjoy breakfast with him. When I asked him what he wanted to eat, he said,

“Chicken cereal!”

WHAT???

I looked at him with what must have been a strange look on my face, because he laughed and then pointed to the kitchen counter and said again,

“Chicken cereal!”

My gaze followed the direction of his index finger, and there it was:

Hero image

(picture: http://www.kelloggs.com/en_US/kellogg-s-corn-flakes-consumer-brand.html)

Cute, right?  But there’s (yet another) metaphor I discovered in this box of cereal.

The Kellogg brothers are steeped in some pretty wild history.  Long story short, they ran a sanitarium and created food items they believed controlled certain behaviors which contributed to poor mental health.

One day, they had an error with smashed wheat and flakes were born.  They tried with corn, and the sunny yellow cereal hatched forth.

They were sold at first to their former patients.  The brothers then had a nasty legal battle, the one got the rights to the flakes, added sugar (ironically) and made Kellogg’s Corn Flakes one of the best selling cereals of all time.

Where’re the lessons to be learned?

Cereal, Bowl, Milk, Breakfast, Meal

  1. Sometimes, good things can come from a mistake.
  2. Sometimes, you have to trust your gut and go on your own.
  3. Sometimes, wanting to help people with their mental health issues has its rewards.

They’re also comparatively low in sugar and can be used in a variety of ways.

Make the #153Promise to always see the world in a different, positive light- and remind your children of this approach, as well.  What a perfect time to remind yourself of this promise at breakfast- the most important meal of the day.

So put a box of the famous “Chicken Cereal” on the kitchen counter — whether or not you actually eat them — to serve as a reminder that sometimes, life can have some unexpected pleasant surprises.

-Kisses! XxXx

 

A Traumatic Statistic: Prevalence of PTSD

Fear, Woman, Crack, Notch, Furrow

Did you know that a whopping 70% of the general public will experience a traumatic event, and of those who do, 20% go on to develop PTSD?

Children lack the proper coping mechanisms, so they are particularly vulnerable.

War is not the only way to get PTSD.  Other traumatic events can include:

  • a serious injury or illness
  • a death
  • a car accident
  • a significant life change, like a divorce or move
  • abuse or bullying
  • dysfunction in the home, like yelling or addiction
  • a disaster like a fire
  • a crime
  • either first-hand experience of the events above or even witnessing them second-hand

The key to not developing PTSD in the first place is to get immediate aftercare.  But if that did not happen, it’s not too late to seek treatment for your child months or even years afterward.

Some of the symptoms of PTSD, according to the Mayo Clinic and WebMD re:

  • Irritability, angry outbursts or aggressive behavior
  • Always being on guard for danger
  • Overwhelming guilt or shame
  • Self-destructive behavior, such as drinking too much or driving too fast
  • Trouble concentrating
  • Not enjoying activities usually enjoyed
  • Avoiding certain situations
  • Trouble sleeping
  • Bad dreams
  • Being easily startled or frightened
  • Panic attacks
  • Headaches, stomach aches, muscle pain without specific injury

For students, these may also manifest as lowered grades or discipline problems at school.

Candle, Rose, Tealight, Quiet

Every child deserves to feel at peace and safe in their environment.  You never know if something they experienced may have been recorded as a trauma in their brain and they need professional help to learn how to re-regulate their emotions.

If your child starts to begin to display any of the signs above, or if they or your family has experienced any of the major events listed above,  please make the #153Promise to contact their guidance counselor and share your concerns.

They may need validation from someone who understands what they are going through.

-KissesXxXx

 

Trust the Teachers: Another Way to Love Your Kids

Education, School, Back To SchoolNow’s the time to select courses for next year.  Placing your child in the correct classes is a very important decision and can set the stage for either a pleasant year, or a stressful one.

You child’s teachers have been monitoring their progress since September.  They know the strengths and weaknesses of your child and also know about the requirements of the courses for next year.

If your child is doing well this year, that’s not necessarily an indication that they should be ‘bumped up’ a level.  Unless they are making high As and say they want more of a challenge, you may be setting up your child to be stretched too thin next year.

Conversely, if you have a student who’s been struggling all year, you may want to ask the teacher’s opinion about actually dropping down a level.  There’s no shame in admitting that your child is in over their head.

If your child is going into or currently in high school, I’d also take your child’s desires into consideration when planning for post graduation.  Do not automatically assume they are going into college.  If they are not self motivated and/or do not like school or reading, then they very likely will not see the value in getting up to go to classes, preparing for them, writing the papers and studying for the few tests they will have.  You may want to discuss career options that include technical training.  They may be able to learn skills that give them the chance to get a career with opportunity for growth in a field they enjoy.

Think about the years 18-22: would you rather pay for tuition where they’re barely passing, or have them make their own money, learn independence, and feel pride that they are making a wage doing honorable work?

Book, Bored, College, Education, FemaleAn education should be to discover what your child can learn and achieve- not what they can’t do.  You may ‘know’ your child, but in this area, their teachers know more.  You may see them doing their work at home, but if the teacher records zeros for assignments not handed in, your child may be sending you a coded message.  They may be in their room ‘studying’ all night, but if they are not testing well, have you quizzed them on the material the night before to make sure they knew the content?

True, every child deserves opportunities.  But if a teacher thinks the child is truly not at the point of readiness for a certain step in their education, then the opportunity you may actually be providing is to set them up for failure.

Birger Kollmeier, Professor, Blackboard

Please keep your own ego and motivation in check if you are considering overriding either your child or their teacher’s thoughts regarding class selection for next year.

Make it your #153Promise to trust the teachers to know what’s best regarding your child’s scholastic abilities to give your child every opportunity to succeed.

-Kisses! XxXx

 

 

More Ink… Documenting Love

Journal, Desk, Wood, Notebook, WritingMy ten year old daughter loves it when I write her notes in the morning before I go off to school since I leave before she wakes up.  It starts off her day feeling loved, even though I’m not there to wish her well.

So when I saw a free journal up for grabs at the used book store, I took it.

Now, when I write a note, I no longer scrounge around the house for a lone scrap of paper- I turn a page of the journal.  She’s also taken to writing back to me.

This way, we’ll have a nice memory of all the notes written back and forth.

Make the #153Promise to honor your children in small but meaningful ways, everyday, by starting a memoir of your daily love in ink.

-Kisses! XxXx