Month: January 2016

Eight Is… Tacky!

On By JenniferOzgurIn Health, humor, Uncategorized, Writing4 Comments

Thanks to my newest blogging buddy, Rudy, I decided to try my hand at the whole “Pingback” business.

I was particularly interested in the topic of The Eighth Sin

Gargoyle, Grumpy, Statue, Lawn Ornament

The seven (as they pop into my head) are:

Envy, Pride, Wrath, Greed, Gluttony, Sloth and Lust

I’m trying to think of another reeeeeally bad thing, and they seem to be just a sub-category of one of the above.  Apathy?  That would be Sloth.  Narcissism?  Yeah… that’s Pride.  Impatience?  I think that’s a form of Wrath…  See what I mean?

So I suppose the better approach is humor rather than deep philosophical thought.  Therefore, my submission for the Eighth Deadly Sin is… (drumroll, please)…

TACK

Cheese Curls, Junk Food, Cheese, CurlsYou see Tack, in its varying forms, permeates our culture:

  • Lawn ornaments
  • Fanny packs
  • Cat sweatshirts
  • Any food that’s orange or blue
  • Tube socks
  • Babies dressing like adults
  • Beer cozies
  • Underwear as outerwear
  • Any “As Seen On TV” product

I think Tack is horrible because it’s several other sins rolled into one.  It’s Gluttonous for its over-the-top bombardment of the senses.  It’s Sloth because the person responsible for it was just too lazy to give a darn about aesthetics.  And it’s Wrath because it incites a lot of agida in those who are Prideful to think they are above the Tack.

To relate this to making the #153Promise to your family, how about scanning your home for any of the EIGHT Deadly Sins and eliminate ate least one item from each category.

None of us is perfect; which one of the Eight do you think your family needs to work on the most?

 

 

 

Thanks, Grammy

On By JenniferOzgurIn Health, Love, Parenting, Relationships, Uncategorized, ValidationLeave a comment

Heart, Love, Discussion, Difference, RelationshipMy relationship with my mother is strained.  Suffice it to say we navigate life with very different operating systems that clash every time they interface.

My grandparents and I, (her parents), have never clashed.

“You don’t know them like I do,” she says.  A lot.

True- I don’t.  The dynamics of Grammy and Grandpop and me are different; they didn’t raise me.  They are people I visited every Sunday after church.  Then, once I got older, I would choose to see them independent of my parents.

I could write a whole book about this narrative, but the reason I even mention them is that at 89, it looks like my grandmother will not be around much longer.  Around October, doctors found something on a chest X-ray they didn’t like, but she refused diagnostic tests.  They told me that their best guess was that she had about six months to live.  She was put on hospice and this week, she started falling and she’s been bed-ridden and on morphine.

I took off a day from school on Thursday to essentially say goodbye and give my input on funeral arrangements.  (I said I’d like to put together a PowerPoint to loop during the viewing and I’ll compose a poem to be put in the funeral program.)

Because I have peace with Grammy, I’m able to deal with this dying ordeal pretty well, I think.  But my mother?  It’s taking everything in me to stay patient and kind as she manages to grapple with the reality that the woman she’s been complaining about all these years is leaving.

I’ve come to realize that validating someone’s opinion is essential to any relationship.  That doesn’t mean you have to agree with them; you only need to let them know that you understand their feelings.  Understand (v)- to perceive the intended meaning.  So when I understand that my mother thinks a certain way — and I allow her to have that opinion — then I have attempted to validate her feelings.  I try to be very clear that I while I understand how she feels about Grammy and Grandpop, that is not my truth… and I’d really appreciate if she’d allow me to have mine.

I’ve been suggesting to my mother that she make her own peace with her parents now so she can have peace once they are gone.  I know she’s done a lot for them out of duty, obligation and guilt so she can have a “free conscience” regarding their care.  That may be nice so she has no regrets regarding what SHE has done or failed to do.  However that doesn’t mean she has resolved the issues she has with what she thinks they have done to her.

I’ve told her that I just want her to be happy.  “Well, maybe I think I don’t deserve to be happy,” is her response.

Street Sign, Note, Direction, Point Of View, Sensation

There it is.  I can’t compete with that mentality.  So I take a step back and concern myself with my own happiness and fostering happiness in my own children.

Granted, you can’t “make” someone happy- but you can treat them in a way so they learn that you think they are deserving of happiness.  And you can model positive behaviors that foster self-care results in your own happiness.

Grandparent are synonymous with giving, and the most recent gift my grandmother gave me from her deathbed was the lesson in validation and gracefully understanding opinions that are different from my own.*

Bald Eagle, Soaring, Bird, Raptor, Flight, Nature, BaldIn the spirit of my grandmother living a full life, I’m going to pass along that lesson in this post, so it my live on after I get the word that Grammy is gone from this Earth.

Make it your 153Promise today to: model the ability to make yourself happy; validate others by showing them you understand their opinion, even if yours is different…  It avoids conflict and can sustain peace…  Make the 153Promise by telling people close to you that you want their happiness, too, and foster an atmosphere where they feel free to pursue their happiness.

 

 

*(The irony is that my father — her son-in-law — and my grandparents would clash all the time… What’s in common?  My mother… again- another book!)

 

 

Social Media is “S & M”

On By JenniferOzgurIn Health, Love, Parenting, Relationships, Uncategorized1 Comment
woman-929838_1920Twitter; Instagram; Snapchat; Facebook…  these are the new ways to forge relationships, “Like” it, or not.

I find people’s behaviors on social media very interesting.  It’s like of like being drunk: it’s an altered state.  People post things to their “Friends” and make comments they would NEVER do in “real” life.  It begs the question- do people’s real hidden sides come out on the internet, or is there something essentially nefarious about screen interactions?

I’ve seen people who are normally very decorous give raunchy memes the “thumbs up.”  Closeted bigots post anti-fill-in-the-blank comments.  People go on rants about other people and things get shared, amplified and eventually feelings get hurt and real-life friends or relatives get blocked or “un-friended.”

It’s no coincidence to me that social media has “S” and “M” as its initials.  There’s a certain sadistic pleasure some people get from updating a status that will irk others.  And I can’t tell you how many times I read or hear about people’s feelings getting hurt because they were excluded from whatever online group membership they belong… yet they continue to engage in the drama, as if they get some sort or masochistic rush.

In that sense, I don’t see adults being any more mature than their teenage counterparts.

Kids learn what they see.  What kinds of real messages about relationships are you sending by the ones you post online?

Make it the #153Promise to model Sensitivity and Moderation with your social media.

To Hash or Not to Hash? Logo Dilemmas…

On By JenniferOzgurIn Organization and Business, politics, Uncategorized, Writing2 Comments

 

153PRMSINSTTT

The logo for 153Promise is finally here!  My sweet, supportive husband pulled a few strings and got a professional graphic designer to mock up a few logos based upon a few different images of a pinkie promise with the heart.  I wanted pink and blue to reflect babies, but not toooo babyish.  A pretty simple concept, I hope.

I had my students vote.  I analyzed trends and came back to the GD with a few tweaking requests and the above is the result.

I also want to add on shirts, magnets, bracelets, etc the “LOVE” anagram:

*L*isten *O*bserve *V*alidate *E*mpathize

(That was my ten year old daughter’s idea; I figure we can easily add that on our own.)

I was happy and excited… that lasted for about a day when I came downstairs this morning and started reading news feeds.  There was a story about the Oregon standoff.  That lead me to some anti-Islamic stories.  Which brought me to anti-Black stories.  Then I finally ended up onto the BlackLivesMatter website.

Hashtag, Hash, Tag, Social, Internet, Network, MediaI like their site.  I am inspired how they created a movement in a few short years- though I am saddened at the same time that it needs to exist.  But one thing confuses me… the elusive hash tag.

It’s not in their URL.  It’s not on their logo.  It’s not on other places on their website… But it IS on some of their headings, in some of the body copy, and on all off the pictures from people at rallies and other events.

So now I’m confused whether or not I should have put the “#” in my logo, in my posts, or what…

Social media is jammed up my brain.  In fact, that’s what I plan to write about tomorrow as I get back to my posts about making the 153Promise — or should that be the #153Promise — to your children to show them L.O.V.E. on a daily basis.  Stay on the lookout for my “Social Media is S & M” post for tomorrow.

IF you are reading this post, PLEASE comment on my question…

To Hash or Not to Hash?

 

 

 

Sanders Last Night

On By JenniferOzgurIn politics, UncategorizedLeave a comment

Media image for bernie sanders town hall from New York PostI watched last night’s Town Hall in Iowa and though I’m not going to pontificate about my own political views, I do want to make today’s post about what Bernie Sanders had to say regarding our current mental health care system because it specifically relates to my vision of 153Promise.

(Jump to 34:20.)

Just before that, he mentions his stance on gun control.

No matter if you are a Democrat or a Republican, I’d like to hear the opposing side of this issue- NOT making mental health care accessible to all, “when they need it- not two months from today.”

Photo from New York Post

 

 

 

Blizzard Test Post

On By JenniferOzgurIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

This is a test post while I use being snowed in as an excuse to revamp my site.

153Promise Action Plan

On By JenniferOzgurIn Organization and Business, Uncategorized, Writing5 Comments

Business Idea, Planning, Business PlanEventually, I hope to turn this post (which will be edited along the way) into buttons at the top of the site, so keep coming back.

My most recent research about where I want 153Promise to go revealed that I need to flesh out several elements.  First, there’s the dreamy/fun part.  I’m good at this stuff:

  1. A Premise (focus on the past and present)
  2. Core Beliefs and Values
  3. A Vision Statement (focus on the future)
  4. A Mission Statement (focus on the present)
  5. Goals (big picture and maybe not measurable… does not change and it tied to Vision and Mission… guides everyday decisions)
  6. Objectives (actions that are measurable to achieve the goal… may change in order to adjust… ARE the everyday decisions)

Then there’s the less fun/technical stuff:

  1. A Strategy (what to do)
  2. Tactics (how to do it)
  3. An Action Plan (the order in which to do it)

I found these buzz words everywhere on the internet.  Apparently, it’s common knowledge (or should be) in Fortune 500 companies and successful organizations around the world.  However, since there are TONS of articles and blog posts explaining the finer distinctions between all of these terms, I shouldn’t feel too bad.  In fact, I should be pretty darn tickled with myself that I’m even thinking about these issues going into trying to make 153Promise a success!

I did find one site, Innovation Excellence, that did an excellent job of stringing many of the words together:

“Values should underpin Vision, which dictates Mission, which determines Strategy, which surfaces Goals that frame Objectives, which in turn drives the Tactics that tell an organization what Resources, Infrastructure and Processes are needed to support a certainty of execution.” – (Mike Myatt, 1988)

For all of this, I’m really going to need some help.

I’ve already started making contacts and speaking to some people who are in the position to help me.  The most interesting discovery is that what I want to create — a resource for families to be proactive about mental health issues — does not really seem to exist… yet.

As it stands, it seem to me that there are many resources once a person is diagnosed with a mental illness, addiction, or in crisis.  There’s also many places to go if there’s financial burdens (social services) or groups to deal with surviving with loss.

But what about educating families so the above agencies are not stretched so thin so they can better use their resources?

Parachute, Training, ParachutingI’m not saying we can prevent ALL bad things from happening… life itself is risky.  But how about realizing that fact WAY in advance and start packing a parachute instead of hoping someone below will be holding a net to catch your fall?

I actually really like that analogy!  Every person has their own parachute, but the nets below are a catch-all for the masses.  I know I’m going to feel a lot more secure jumping if I know I had help packing my own safety device, rather than jumping and hoping that some random thing at the very end will be there to bail me out.

Back to my point- I think I can tackle the dreamy stuff this weekend.  The technical stuff?  Well, that’s where I will have to enlist the help of others who, quite frankly, know much more than me.  That means I’ll need to work on yet another element:

  1. A “Founder” of 153Promise– that’s me!  : DSinger, Frank Sinatra, 1947, Microphone
  2. Board of Directors- people who will help me with the major decisions that get a vote
  3. Advisory Board- people who are experts that offer an opinion that do not necessarily make executive decisions regarding to organization
  4. Executive Director- is that me?  SHOULD is be me? is that the head of the BOD?  Is that the same as the COB?  (Why am I getting visions of the Rat Pack and Frank Sinatra?)
  5. Chief Executive Officer- is the ECO the same as the ED?
  6. A Chief Financial Officer- I don’t pretend to know anything about finances, but I better be in-the-know regarding all figures, or I’ll get robbed blind… I’ve been in the restaurant business enough to know that!
  7. Trustees- essentially, the purse strings

I also realize I need to be smart right at the start… and although 153Promise is a “.com” for now (so I can sell my “One Million Kisses” book), should it be a non-profit?

Reason being, in all my internet surfing, I found this nightmare testimony  at blueavacado.org about a BOD firing its founder.  So I need to make sure I am always part of the voting and cannot be usurped, in addition to keeping in mind that there’s also financial issues to contend with.

Even though an organization may not be for profit, that certainly doesn’t mean that money isn’t important!

To quote my students… “So yeah…”  There’s a LOT I need to consider, and it seems like this is the perfect time… just when a logo makes is seem a whole lot more real… I better start thinking like it is.

(The Big Elephant in the room is when to start seeking out the advice of a lawyer?  That word has a negative connotation, but a good one certainly is an asset… but I don’t have the money for now… but if that’s the case, I may not be able to afford NOT to get one if I wait to later… thus a great catch 22.)

Hand, Keep, Head, Brain, Imitation

Right now, I’ve only got a bunch of dreams and a book coming out in several weeks (with no upfront cost to me).  But once I start selling books and both my publisher and I start making money (hopefully!) I’ll really need to start to consider what I’m doing since with money comes more options and responsibility.

So my biggest lesson thus far is no matter what you do, if it’s something new,  treat it like a business.

Kisses! XxXx

 

 

 

So, What’s This 153Promise, Anyway?

On By JenniferOzgurIn Uncategorized, WritingLeave a comment

UNSPECIFIED - JANUARY 01: Photo of Stevie Wonder

The drafts for the logos of 153Promise came to me this week.  I am very excited!  The logo gives me the ability to make items that help promote the site: car magnets, tee-shirts, and my favorite: silicon bracelets!  I want to be a walking billboard for the cause.

“They” say (whoever “they” is) that the more choices a person gets, the less happy.  I now see the truth in that statement.  My graphic designer came with over a dozen versions of a logo.  (Three major looks with slight variations thereof.)  I figured the best thing to do was to poll everybody I know to see which one gets the biggest thumbs up.

As I started to ask people which they preferred, I wound up having to tell them what 153Promise is all about.  I explain how 153 is the number of kisses a day required to literally kiss your child a million times from birth to 18.  I then mention how it’s all explained in my book “One Million Kisses.”  THEN I make the distinction that the book is “One Million Kisses;” the movement is 153Promise.

“So what’s the movement about?” people ask with genuine interest.

“It’s about making the promise to show love and validation on a daily basis to your children.  It’s about making the promise to contribute to their overall mental health in a positive way.”

Everybody thinks that’s great.  I mean, who would argue against that, right?  But right now, it’s just an abstract idea… and this blog.  But when it all comes down to it, what IS 153Promise: a charity? Organization?  Foundation?

That means I’ve got to get busy.  Once the walking billboard paraphernalia starts coming and it (hopefully!) starts driving traffic to this site, I need to have more of a PLAN for action… more than just BUY MY BOOK; READ MY BLOG; DO WHAT I SUGGEST.

I need a vision.  A mission statement.  Essentially, I need to set up a whole structure and framework so if I actually DO get followers, they know what to DO.

The book is supposed to be out in April.  It takes six weeks for it to be pressed once going to the printers.  Working that backward, I’ve got about THREE WEEKS to get 153Promise more clearly defined so I can put it in the front flap of “One Million Kisses.”

So that’s going to be my focus for the next few posts…  Stay tuned for more updates regarding the movement…

And to all my fellow east coasters… stay safe in the impending blizzard.

Kisses!  XxXx

(Stevie Wonder photo by Michael Ochs archives)

Out of the Mouth of Babes: Inheriting Opinions from the “Media” of Parenting

On By JenniferOzgurIn Parenting, SchoolLeave a comment

I’ve been on a roll regarding the topic of what’s passed down from parent to child, and this post is no different.  I think it’s because I’m fascinated about how children develop and the role we as parents play in that process.

I’ve been a teacher, director and coach for over a decade and a half, so I’ve had  interactions with thousands of kids ranged from 11 to 18.  It’s amazing to me what kids:

  • don’t know (I can teach that.)
  • actually know (I can test that.)
  • think they know (I can challenge that… or can I?)

It’s the third category I’m going to discuss in this post.

Hand, Puppet, Snowman, Political

When kids know or don’t know facts, it’s my job as an educator to document these proficiencies or deficiencies and fill in the gaps with the content of my subject matter.  Schools also are to model good behavior and positive character development: be polite; don’t bully; clean up before you leave…  But it starts to get very dicey when a student professes a certain opinion and they are convinced that it is the “Truth.”  What do I do with that?  What do I do when that opinion may step on the toes of a certain population?  And especially when I suspect they have adopted that opinion from their parents?

The media bombards our senses with a skewed representation of reality masquerading as fact.  I think many adults know by know that Fox News is slanted to the Right, for example.  And we tend to gravitate to the media’s spin that confirms our own pre-existing bias.  But young people are not that savvy.

What we need to understand that WE as parents are “the media” to our children.  They look up to us and respect us (whether or not they eat their vegetables, clean their room, or expect “No” for an answer).  So what spin are we putting onto their young, malleable minds?

It becomes very obvious during election years.  When a 12 year old begins talking about immigration or terrorists and what to do with “those” people, he/she is getting that from somewhere… and unless they have CNN feeds downloaded onto their tablet/ipod/cell phone, chances are, they are picking up on your political views.

I’m not about to step in and micro-manage your dinner table conversation (hopefully you are having them), but I do ask you to make the 153Promise to realize that whatever you say, your children will absorb and repackage in their own way.

Have you discussed Caitlin Jenner?  Donald Trump?  The Pope?  Syria?  Are your children around?  What messages are they internalizing?  Is it age appropriate and fair for them to have those ideas in their head?  How are they fitting your political opinions into their understanding of the world?

Opinions may not be genetic, but they are definitely inherited.  Consider making the 153Promise to give your children a fair and balanced view on topics so they can sort it out on their own.  Or if it’s too much for them to handle, you may want to censor yourself in the future.

Like it or not, your kids will go into school parroting what you say at home.  What do you want coming out of their mouths?  Is it true?  Is it kind?  Do they know the difference between fact verses your opinion?

What “Parenting Media” do you want your children to inherit?

Kisses!  XxXx

The “W” Gene… Examining a Logical Fallacy in Parenting

On By JenniferOzgurIn Health, Parenting5 Comments

Here’s an article that’s recently taken parenting sites and Facebook groups by storm.  It’s talking about the hysteria about “W sitting” like the image below:

A Child W-Sitting

Image credit: http://www.lcp-home.com/Programs/Infant/Resources/W-sitting.html

What’s more interesting to me than the article are all the comments regarding the statement that this CAUSES “femoral rotation” and winds up with inward turning feet.  Some experts swear that it’s the worst thing a kid can do; others say it’s nonsense.  Then you have the anecdotal testimonies confirming or dispelling the claim.

I humbly suggest…

Image Credit

I think both camps got it wrong.  I think people are arguing the Chicken vs Egg and are ignoring the real issue… pre-existing hypermobility that CAUSES certain kids to sit like this in the FIRST place!

My opinion is that sitting this way does not necessarily cause any issues, but the kids who instinctively sit like this are also the same children who have possible underlying issues.

So rather than trying to “fix” the kids’ problems by “correcting” them to sit the “right” way, it makes more sense to me to take that child to their pediatrician and say: My kid is W sitting; can you please check him/her for any possible syndromes/issues that would CAUSE him/her to sit this way to BEGIN with?”

It’s a simple logical fallacy known as false cause.  Think of it this way: every time it rains, there are always umbrellas.  Therefore, umbrellas make it rain.

Sounds silly now, right?  That’s why I think it’s FALSE that every time I see a “W sitter,” I think it causes problems.

Yet people get VERY worked up about this issue on Facebook.

Sheep, Agriculture, Animals, CountrysideI urge you to make today’s 153Promise to take everything you read about parenting with a grain of salt.  Evaluate the source.  Is it on a site that’s mainly geared to selling products?  Read the comments.  Do they offer a strong counter argument/perspective?

Make the 153Promise to not only parent with your heart, but your brain as well.  Don’t be swayed by trends; be logical and observe your children and look to see if they have issues.

Don’t let a viral post be your parenting guide.

Kisses! XxXx