3 Reasons Why the Georgia Paddling is So Messed Up

On By JenniferOzgurIn Parenting, politics, School2 Comments
middle finger mother and child
Mother of Paddled Student in Covington, Georgia

I found this news story on one of my online forms today.  It’s about a mother whose five year old son was paddled for spitting.

If I understand the convoluted logic, the woman had previously been arrested for truancy; the child had 18 unexcused absences and 20 tardiness citations.  Therefore, in lieu of being suspended (resulting in missing more school and further truancy), the child was administered corporal punishment… which was then posted on social media.

The details vary from site to site, but the mother claims that the child has a condition (not specified) and that this was the only way to avoid getting arrested.

There are so many things wrong with this story, my head is spinning.  But I’ll limit myself to my top three:

3.  Corporal punishment is NOT effective.  Even if a child does not repeat the offense, it’s not because they learned why what they did was wrong.  They just learn fear and the lesson that physical violence is a good way to solve problems.  The Jasper County Primary School in Covington, Georgia should know better.

2.  It’s the mother’s fault it came to this.  I realize I may not know the whole story, but if there ARE underlying circumstances why her son didn’t go to school all those times, wouldn’t those be excused absences?  The boy spit.  At five, he should know better.  But a little poking around on Facebook, and the mother has posted several pictures of her and her son flipping the bird.  Charming

1.The mother let her child take a beating on the bottom to save her own @$$.  She claims that she couldn’t do anything to stop it…  Maybe because she was too busy taking a video for her to upload.  Did you see those two women with the boy?  Have you seen the mother?  I think she could take them both on if she had truly cared.  This was NOT a mother in Momma Bear mode; this was a woman with priorities bigger than protecting her son.  Would I go to jail if it meant I was taking one for the team instead of letting my child be traumatized?  You betcha.  In an instant.

It will be interesting to see if the media follows up on this train wreck of a news story.  But most likely, it will be a blip on the screen and be quickly forgotten among all the rest of the dysfunction out there in the world.

Make it your #153Promise to be a parent of fame; not shame.

-Kisses! XxXx

 

 

Dr. Laura of Aha! Parenting- A Kindred Spirit

On By JenniferOzgurIn Love, Parenting, Relationships, Validation, WritingLeave a comment

happy family, mulitcultural

Last night, I attended a parenting seminar organized by our school district.  The focus was on handling sibling conflict.

As soon as I learned about the event, I knew right away that I wanted to be there- not because my children fight (I’m very happy to say my 10 and 3 year old are very loving to each other!), but because I wanted to see if a prominent expert in the field of parenting and I are on the same page.

I was given a handout upon entering the auditorium outlining some of the speaker’s finer points.  Right way, I knew I’d be in for a very affirming evening; THREE of my 4 Verbs of Love were on the sheet!

Psychologist, author, coach and speaker Dr. Laura Markham presented a wealth of information regarding ways to approach your children in a manner that is kind, rather than combative.

I can’t possibly get into all the details on this post, but I must have looked like a bobble head all night because I was nodding my head in agreement almost constantly.

Not only were we on the same page; I took about a page of my own notes — my own Aha! moments, if you will — that I plan to make as future posts, linking back to her site every time.

But for now, I leave you with the way to purchase her two books.

Make it your #153Promise to create a trauma-free parenting (my tagline) environment by picking up a copies of her Peaceful Parenting series today.  You and your children will be happier for it!

Kisses! XxXx

“Famous” Writer Journal Update: Poetry Night Reflection

On By JenniferOzgurIn WritingLeave a comment

 

CLICK HERE to read about my first event to promote myself as a local author!

poetry reading venue
The venue of my first-ever featured poetry reading!

 

 

Mad Poets Society Tonight!

On By JenniferOzgurIn Parenting, Validation, WritingLeave a comment

pen feather quill poetryA former student and I have a big event tonight!  To say I’m nervous is an understatement!

I signed up for this gig back in October when I attended our local poetry series and jumped at the chance to be the featured poet this month- both the month that my book is SUPPOSED to be out (was hoping it’d be physically here by now!) AND national poetry month!

So… I plan to have a sign up sheet to capture people’s contact information and make it a contest to get a personally autographed copy of “One Million Kisses,” as soon as it gets back from the printers.

That way, I can blast them all when they are available for purchase.

I’m really wondering how many people will show up… My English department head read last time I attended, and there was a room full of students doing it for extra credit…  I invited all my friends and followers on social media, and I know a few former professors of mine plan on attending…  No pressure whatsoever, huh?

I plan to be my own inner parent to get me through this… words of encouragement like, “You got this!  People want to like you!  Trust yourself!”

I’ll be sure to post tomorrow, telling you all how it went.

Make it your #153Promise to be the inner voice to yourself that you want playing in your own children’s head!

-Kisses XxXx!

 

Family at the Y: Part Two

On By JenniferOzgurIn Parenting, Relationships, Validation, WritingLeave a comment

lobby conversation

I was back at the YMCA for our Saturday routine.  My son loves to play at the child center, and I love to do my writing.  Win-Win!  This is what I wrote during that time:

I just sat down at the lobby and settled into my usual chair with my laptop, and whom do I see?  That same family — from last week’s”Open Letter” post — minus the mother.

The same girl who was having a huge meltdown is sitting on the floor, coloring like a normal kid.  Her brother, who was adding to the torment last week, is on his tablet.  Her father is still introverted, engrossed on his phone.  And my heart is pounding.

She just headed off to dance class, so it’s just the dad and brother.  I’m tempted to ask him if he was hear last week…  Just a friendly question to start a conversation.  See what he says….

(Ten minutes later…)

I did it!  I reached out to him and we had a nice conversation.  I asked him if he was here last week.  At first, he acted like he couldn’t remember.  So I explained that his kids look familiar to me, but I couldn’t place it… Was it from the Y?  School?  Town?  We started chatting about what brings us here… my daughter’s gymnastics, etc…  He said they come every week.  Then his son wanted to go to Starbucks, so we talked about the different flavors… how white chocolate is an oxymoron to me.  He laughed.  It was nice. They went to get the kid his designer Starbucks beverage.

But then it occurred to me… if he comes here every week, why did he act like he couldn’t recall last week?  In my own mind, I concluded that it was due to embarrassment from the display last Saturday.

(Update…)

They came back and we chatted until his daughter came back.  We talked about everything under the sun: caffeine addiction; my tinnitus; how our kids got their names… and of course, my book!  ; )

I managed to work “One Mllion Kisses” and my 153Promise trauma-free parenting movement into the conversation because he said how he and his wife went out last night.  I mentioned how I had plans to see a speaker tonight… It’s a teacher/coach who speaks about his experiences (a future post this week) and I was going for research purposes regarding my promotions strategy.  That’s when I saw it happen…

Once I began pitching my vision and mission statements, he almost cried.  He said how difficult it is to raise kids, despite the fact that we love them.  How the idea of a support group would be great.

His daughter came back from dance; I got my son from the play center; I gave the father my card; and we planned to see each other next week.

So here I am, Monday morning, turning this play-by-play into a post, and I’m filled with a bunch of reactions twisting in my mind:

  • I’m so glad I approached him with kindness
  • If my tactic were different, I wonder how he would have reacted
  • This exchange could give credence to my theory that he’s been abused by her as well
  • Interesting how the children were fine… not in her presence
  • I’m encouraged by his reaction to my goals- maybe I can make a difference instead of preaching to the choir
  • The L.O.V.E. approach works with my target audience, too!
  • I wonder if he went home and shared our conversation with his wife
  • Who’s going to be there next week?  What will happen?

It just goes to show that you never know what is possible… Make it your #153Promise to be positive, be courageous, and be open to amazing things that can happen… and to see the amazing in the small moments.

-Kisses! XxXx

 

 

A Sally Field Moment!

On By JenniferOzgurIn Validation, Writing1 Comment

trophy cupRight now, you like me!!!  Said a very young Sally Field at the Academy Awards.  And now, I get to say the same thing, because Barefoot Momma just nominated me for a Liebster Award!  And I gladly accept and will do my duty:

  1. What is you most embarrassing moment?  So many, I think I repressed most of them.  But one of my most blushing teaching moments was when I told a student to, “Either spit or swallow!” when I caught him chewing gum.
  2. What is one of your favorite quotes?  Again, so many.  But my current mantra is, “Silence is the voice of complicity.”  It keeps me speaking out against the mistreatment of children.
  3. What is your favorite season, and why?  Autumn, without a doubt.  The colors of the leaves, the crisp air, apples, pumpkins, the sunsets, Halloween, harvest.. I could go on and on.
  4. If you could learn anything, what would it be? Jazz piano!!!  I sign jazz standards, and I always wanted to accompany myself.
  5. What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever done?  I’m doing it right now: Being a good mother, wife, teacher and writer… while having a balanced lifestyle and staying sober.  So far, so good, praise God!
  6. What is something you learned in the last week/month/or year?  Right now, I’m learning how to use social media to promote my book, “One Million Kisses: The Promise of 153” that’s due out later this month.  It’s a HUGE learning curve, from publisher to shelf, to into people’s homes!
  7. The best part of waking up is…?  Knowing you have one more chance to do something great!
  8. What is your favorite outdoor activity?  Running!  Unfortunately, the weather’s been stubborn, and my energy’s been down… but I’m hopeful both will improve soon!
  9. What chore do you absolutely hate?  I’m not crazy about ANY of them… I’d love to be in a position to afford a cleaning service one day… but I’d have to say laundry; it just never seems to end.
  10. If you could paint any scenery you’ve seen before, what would you paint?  Paris!  I’ve been there 4 or 5 times, but the last time I was there was a loooong time ago.  I’d love to be able to go back and have the luxury of time to paint all day and have that as a memory to take back home.

Hope that didn’t bore you too much!

Without further ado, here are MY nominations, in no particular order:

MyGirlMyWorld

MOMtessoriLife

ChesterCountyRamblings

ManvsMommy

AutisticBeekeeper

GlitterInTheAshes

McKinley’sMilestones

ThrivingUnderPressure

NavyaK

Supaflymom

And my questions for you all are:

  1. Why did you start your blog?
  2. Favorite writer?
  3. Favorite movie?
  4. Favorite song?
  5. Favorite food?
  6. “I want to be famous for…”
  7. Most vivid childhood memory?
  8. Pet peeve?
  9. Biggest fear?
  10. Biggest regret?

Thank again, Barefoot Momma, and best of luck to all ten bloggers!

-Kisses! XxXx

Ending Child Abuse is a Communist Agenda? When Did Parenting Become Political?

On By JenniferOzgurIn Organization and Business, Parenting, politics6 Comments
child with flag
Parenting is NOT a Political Issue!

Quick question: Does wanting to end child abuse make you a Communist?  Let me explain…

My husband sent me THIS LINK  from Face Book that has a video about not physically or emotionally abusing your children.  It’s based on the premise that parents who yell and hit have children who yell and hit.  It is originally from this website: Children See, Children Learn.  I am glad to have another resource to add to my list of organizations who are in line with the Vision and Mission of 153Promise.

Again, like yesterday’s post, I began reading the comments.  (Warning: it could ruin your day.)

People got SO ANGRY from watching an anti-parental bullying PSA!  They defend hitting their child, say that’s why we have brats is due to lack of spanking, and then it degrades into a political debate…

Flag polticalPeople post the quantum leap that videos like this are the work of the Liberals/Socialists/Communists in the US of A. They started making comparisons to totally unrelated issues like gun control and fighting in the Middle East.

Then, I noticed a trend… the ones who were upset MOST at this video were the ones who were spanked as a kid and who defend spanking their own kids!  That legacy is the EXACT TREND the PSA is trying to end!

Perhaps if those negative posters were shown more L.O.V.E. as a child, they would not be so miserable today.

If my commitment to raise my child in a trauma-free environment makes me a Liberal, then so be it.  I will LOVE my children liberally.  I will liberally shower my children with kisses and hugs.

Make it your #153Promise to join the TFPP- Trauma-Free Parenting Party, no matter what your political affiliation!

-Kisses! XxXx

No April Fooling… The Nonprofit Paradox: It Costs Money to Not Make Money!

On By JenniferOzgurIn Organization and Business, School2 Comments
Cash
It’s not about the money…???

I update my students from time to time about the progress of #153Promise.  Yesterday, I told them that the silicone bracelets came in.  They asked how much they will cost.  When I said that I hoped to get $5.oo, they thought that was a bit steep; they suggested no more than 3.  I explained that they cost about a dollar to make, and that it’s not about how much the item is worth; it’s more of a “Thank you” gift with a donation to a cause.  Then came the question:

“So, what are you going to do with the money?”

One thing for sure- NOT go on a trip or pay my personal bills!  I explained that I plan to reinvest the income back into the nonprofit.

“Yeah… but what are you going to DO with the money?”

They clearly didn’t understand; they were hoping to hear something like, “Donate it to XXX cause or charity.”  But I AM the charity!  Still, I felt like I needed to supply them with some clear-cut verbs…

I can’t blame them for not grasping the concept of needing to make money upfront.  In order to do anything to begin to accomplish the mission of #153Promise, it’s going to take a lot of cash.  I mean, why SHOULD they know???  Only over this past week did I begin to gain an understanding for myself just how expensive starting up a nonprofit can be.  So far, this is what I learned:

  1. If I want to be at an event, I have to pay money for the spot.  $50.00 for a 10’x10′ is enough to make me think twice about getting the exposure I need.  I should sell almost 20 books at an event just to break EVEN.
  2. Some events require proof of liability insurance.  That’s up to $700.00 a year- just to be covered in case somebody claims my setup injured them.
  3. You can have the best idea in the world, but if nobody knows about it, it dies.  That means, you have to promote.  That costs money, too.  We’ve spent money on tee-shirts, car magnets, bracelets, and business cards.  Adding all that up, it’s over $500.00.
  4. Here’s the big sticker shock… In order to become a nonprofit, filing fees cost over $1,500.00!  Plus, if you hire a lawyer to do it to make sure it’s done correctly, you pay another grand.

Well, it opens up a lot of options:

  1. You can take tax write-offs.
  2. You can offer receipts so other people’s donations are tax-deductible.
  3. You can begin the fun adventure of writing grant proposals to get big money.

THEN, once that all happens and I’m free to get down to the nitty-gritty of actually doing the good work I plan to do, THAT takes a lot of time and money, too!  Offering programming and writing curriculum to educate families about trauma-free parenting does not fall off trees…

So, as much as I want to become a nonprofit charity, it looks like I can’t afford to right now.

This Catch 22 was not something I had anticipated!  Neither was the difficulty in answering the question,

“So, what are you going to do with the money?”

I learned a lot by those students’ inquiry… even though it humbled me a bit.

Make it the #153Proise to be open enough to learn from any situation.

Kisses! XxXx

Be a Positive Parenting Example: A Lesson from Dr. Phil

On By JenniferOzgurIn Parenting, ValidationLeave a comment
Dr Phil
Dr. Phil

I only have a few guilty pleasures anymore; one of them is watching Dr. Phil as I do cardio at the Y after a full day of teaching.

Today’s show got me very involved- so much that I almost had to stop exercising because I was starting to cry.

It involved a whole family.  The parents were married for 13 years and had three children- two girls (15 and 9) and an 8 year old boy.  The parents’ marriage was in a shambles.  The father had been away on the road for several years and felt out of place upon his return.  He used his size as an intimidation factor with the younger children and had pretty much checked out as a husband.  The mother appeared to have a sense of entitlement and seemed to aggravate the situation.  Both parents favored the younger opposite sex child while leaving the older sister out in the cold.

It should come as no surprise that the children were suffering immensely- the younger ones were acting out at everyone, while the older was isolating in her room just to find peace.

The first half of the show was spent getting to know just how dysfunctional the family was.  Yelling parents, violent kids, and an older sibling caught in the middle.  But once Dr. Phil had the couple look each other in the eyes and tearfully express their desire to make things right, there seemed to be hope.

Then the 15 year old came out.  She explained how she felt the burden of trying to keep the family together.  Through all of this, she still manages to get good grades and learn several languages (Spanish, Russian, Finnish, Chinese and Japanese, to name a few).  Dr. Phil had her close her eyes and imagine talking to a girl who’s taking on the role of peacemaker to her family and blaming herself for failing to solve all the problems.  This is when it hit me.  [Click here to watch the video.]  This is what she says:

“You should watch to see what NOT to do when you are married and have a family.  That way, you won’t make that mistake.  And your family can thrive in the future, even if, right now, it’s falling apart.”

This young lady is so wise beyond her years.  But what really got me emotional was that she received more L.O.V.E. from Dr. Phil in 3 minutes than she’s ever had from her parents over the past several years.

What’s also chilling to me is that this family was not an off-the-charts scenario.  I’m sure many people would be able to identify with some of their own family’s behavior.

This teenager is the exact reason I started #153Promise.  I want to reach out to parents everywhere so they can become aware of their actions and make sure they are practicing trauma-free parenting.  No child should be using their mom and dad as examples of what NOT to do later on in life.

I applaud her insight and maturity to realize that she wants to leave a better legacy for her children than what she’s been given in her life.

Make it your #153Promise to be a positive example for your children.

 

Keep Calm and Learn On! 3 Changes To Bring Back the Love of Learning

On By JenniferOzgurIn Health, Love, Parenting, SchoolLeave a comment
Girl Studying
What’s it all for???

It may sound obvious that school is for learning, but I think we sometimes get caught up in the grades that people lose sight of that fact.  Students are so concerned about getting the GRADES that they forget to actually pay attention to concepts that are being taught in class.  Where does that come from?

Parents- are you responsible for emphasizing grades over an education?  Are you inadvertently stressing your kids out by expecting As over progress?    Research shows that anxiety leads to forgetfulness.  Chances are, the more you get your kids stressed over school and grades, paradoxically, the less they will learn.

Here are three changes you can make to help your students stress less and enjoy school more.

3. Stop checking grades so often.  If you are the type of parent who signs up to get notifications every time a teacher enters a new grade, stop that service.  Remember my posts about kids and cell phones?  The same holds true for you.  Do not check your phone every day for updates on your kids’ grades.  Otherwise, they will be doing the same thing so you don’t know their grades before they do.  Instead, every other week should be enough.  That’s about 4 times a marking period.  And only do that so you’re not twisting in the wind.  Don’t pounce on them for an 82.  Life will go on and when you are a grand parent one day, you will not remember that 82 in Math.  But you will benefit from the supportive (not stressful!) relationship you cultivated with your child.

2. Stop asking about how they did in school.  I have VERY bad memories of the dinner table with my family when I was a kid- mainly, because they would use that time as a debriefing on the status of my upcoming report card.  That’s probably the reason I had developed gastritis as a teenager.  Instead, say to them, “Tell me three things you learned in school today.”  At first, they may say, “Nothing.”  But if you help them by asking them, “Well, what about science?  What are you learning about?  Animals?  The weather…” they will start to open up.  It may take some time, but if they see that this new change is NOT going to go away, they may start to give you answers faster- if only to get it over with!  Reward them with what YOU learned that day, as well.

1. Stop helping them to study.  Yes, that’s right.  If you are going over the study guide for tomorrow’s test, you are now becoming the Gestapo and it’s not going to be a fun experience.  Instead, come to them when the stakes are NOT high- like when they are reading a chapter of the novel for English, or doing a current events article in History.  Actually show an interest in what they thing about the subject.  That way, they will see that you really care about them and what they think about the world- not just a number at the top of a paper.

Make the #153Promise to remind your children that they mean more to you than a GPA.

-Kisses!  XxXx