Tag: cell phones

5 Things No Responsible Parent Will Allow Their Child To Do

On By JenniferOzgurIn Parenting, Relationships10 Comments

No, this isn’t some quirky post where I twist the title around… I really mean that no parent in their right mind should allow the following five activities.  The stakes are just too great.

Game, Video, Gaming, Controller, Hands

  1.  Violent Video Games.  At.  All.  (Applies more to boys.)  The effects of these games are just too great.  They are linked to violence in real life and predict criminal activity in the future.  They actually develop part of the brain that creates aggression and rewards distractibility and risk-taking behavior.  And thanks to this supreme court ruling, kids can buy all video games rated “M” for mature.Iphone, Template, Mockup, Mock-Up
  2. Be On Social Media.  (Applies more to girls.)  Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat and whatever newest thing to come along will only cause anxiety in teens.  FOMO (fear of missing out) creates major stress if their post does not get enough “likes.”  They obsess.  They hatch plans, post, and check back.  It’s just not healthy.  If you ban all social media, your teen will NOT be ostracized; they’ll just be known as the, “kid with the weird parent.”  And all other teens will secretly wish their parent cared that much to remove that pressure from their lives.  Think you’ve taken care of that by installing spyware or some other app on their phone?  Think again.  There are sites like this one that kids can look up.  Bed Linen, Awake, Crumpled, Sheets
  3. Take Their Phone To Bed.  I’ve already written about this here, but it bears repeating.  If your child takes their phone to bed, they  will NOT be sleeping; they’ll be responding to texts.  Make them give it to you when they go to bed… at a reasonable time.Supermarket, Cola, Soft Drink, Soda
  4. Eat/Drink Anything With HFCS.  High fructose corn syrup is just plain evil.  It is not recognized by the body as food, spikes blood sugar levels- casing crashes, and leads to health complications like diabetes and obesity.  If kids are drinking soda, eating processed snacks or downing PB&J, they are going to be functioning on a roller-coaster in their body.  Go through your pantry and fridge; read the labels; purge.  Then start putting only healthy items in your cart at the grocery store.Stairs, Shopping Mall, Shop, Shopping
  5. Be Unattended With Kids’ Parents You Don’t Know.  This includes things like sleepovers, parties, and going to the mall.  There’s just no way to monitor what the OTHER kids are doing because you have no idea… like violating all five of the above rules, for example…  One way to still let them have fun is to be the host and carefully screen the list of invites and reach out to parents of those kids.

So how to enforce these rules?  Tell your kids that you love them and want what’s best for them.  Let them get upset- especially if these rules are coming from out of the blue.  They may pitch a fit, whine, cry, “hate you,” roll their eyes, or give you the silent treatment… or a combination.  Don’t cave in.  Ride the storm.  Eventually, they will calm down.

Consider giving them something they’ve been wanting for a long time that’s a healthy alternative to soften the blow- take them to that place they’ve been wanting to go or get them that overpriced clothing item for being such a good sport.

And just remind them that there’s a difference between a “NEED” and a “WANT.”

You’re the parent; only YOU can be their protector.  Make the #153Promise to be the responsible one!!!

Kisses!  XxXx

*Thank you to Dr. Leonard Sax for his talk last Sunday for emphasizing the importance of some of these issues!

 

 

Cell Phone Angst… and Challenge

On By JenniferOzgurIn Health, Parenting, Relationships, School, Uncategorized6 Comments

How old are your children?  When did they get — or do you plan to get them — cell phones?  Why?  Smartphone, Woman, Girl, Iphone, Apple Inc, Touch

I ask because I fail to see cell phones improving the quality of life in tweens and teens.  Rather, I only see anxiety and a giant paradox regarding cell phone communication: the more kids use their phones, the less connected they feel to the people with whom they are supposed to be communicating.

I’m going to put my Teacher Hat on for this post and speak from the perspective of the educator.  Here is what I am seeing during the school day:

  1. Texting each other the first and last few minutes of class.  About what, I can only guess, as I cannot legally go into their devices… (But YOU can… if you dare.)
  2. Taking “selfies” and/or “Snapchatting/Vining,” then obsessively checking to see how many “likes” they are getting.
  3. Increased requests to leave the class to “go to the bathroom” or “get a drink.”  Presumably to use their phones so they don’t get in trouble during class.  I can’t tell them no, but they are losing instruction time, as their trips are longer than necessary to sneak in a few more texts.
  4. More requests to text parents because they “forgot” something.  This irony is that the more they rely on texting parents, the less they need to communicate with their families BEFORE  and AFTER the school day is in session.
  5. Notifying me that they need to go to the office to pick up something… presumably because they just got a text saying their item from #4 was just dropped off.

(On my own time, I even saw a post on a Moms’ FB group asking what other mothers would do if they saw test answers on their kid’s phone!)

You may ask why I don’t just have a policy… I. DO.  So does the district.  But if/when I go to enforce it, I have been subject to major tantrums.  And this is not just from the students.  I have been accused of “stealing” property when I confiscate the cell phone, enforcing the policy, and then returning the phone at the end of the day.  I have been called a “train wreck” and was told that I “need mental help.”  There have been threats on my job and my life.  I have been the victim of theft to retaliate against me.  All because I have asked that phones are out of my classroom.  I have a thick skin, and administration supports me, so I just handle it like the strong human I am.  But what concerns me more are how the STUDENTS are actually suffering.

Some students are so dependent upon their phones that asking them to part with them for the 40 minutes I have them for class is almost impossible for them.  So I implore all parents…  Please do not contribute to the angst.  I am only asking for two things:

  1. Tell your kids that you do not want them using them during classes and if you get a report from their teacher that they were seen out, you will suspend them from their phone for a day… then week… then moth… then cancelled.
  2. Tell them that you will no longer be available to them DURING the school day. (Or if that’s not doable, at least only during their or your lunch for a one-time contact point to send or receive a communication.)  That means you’ll have to do a better job of planning rides, and they will not be able to have you run them forgotten items.
Portrait, Face, Pale, Expressive, Eyes, Nose, MouthBlame the teachers.  Blame your boss/job.  Or even tell them you are making the 153Promise to them that you want them to spend the school day concentrating on… school and not on social drama.  Explain to them that the more you rely on the cell phones, the more anxiety it actually causes because it’s no longer a communication device- it’s an enabling device that’s preventing them from developing good habits of planning, self-reliance, and security/trust among family members.
So I’m throwing out another challenge: enact the two rules above.  Just like the Bus Challenge, I am going to suggest that the more either you or your child balks at the “Phone Challenge,” the more you may need to add it to your lives.  I’d love to know who does it and how it goes!
Kisses!  XxXx

Hop on the Bus Challenge

On By JenniferOzgurIn Health, Love, Relationships, Uncategorized6 Comments

Diversity, Happy, People, Young, SmileDo you let your children ride the bus???

I’m going to sound like the ‘uphill both ways’ generation, but when I was my children and students’ ages, I DID take the bus.  Sometimes, I had to lug a giant bass clarinet or bassoon case for a good ten minute walk to the bus stop.  It built character. 

The ONLY time I got a ride to school was for a broken leg in 7th grade because navigating the crutches on those giant steps was just too much for me.

I remember being in junior high and having to take the shuttle bus to the high school in order to get a ride home on the activities bus.  Let me tell you, being a 12 year old riding with a senior football player was scary!  But it built character.

Back then, it was a more hands-off approach to parenting.  You trusted the school to do your job when you gave them your kids.  Part of that meant riding the bus to school.

When did that stop happening?

There are cameras on the bus now.  Kids have cell phones that can record things, if stuff hits the fan… so why is that busses — that are paid with local tax dollars — are half empty, and the drop off line gets longer and longer?

If it’s to protect/shelter your children from certain stuff, I can understand that mentality, but I am going to suggest that it’s slightly misguided.  Things that happen on the bus to NOT magically disappear in the school.  Plus, it’s under surveillance, so it’s actually a pretty safe environment.

And IF something goes down on the bus, it’s an opportunity to talk about it with your child.  Therefore, to NOT let them ride the bus is actually PREVENTING them with real-life learning experiences.

My daughter rides the bus every day she is at our house. (She lives at her dad’s half the time.)  Sometimes we talk about the kids who ride with her and how to deal with it.  If I didn’t allow her that experience, I’d be robbing her of that opportunity to learn those skills.

After all, it’s NOT going to get any easier out in the “Real World;” why not practice now?

Just a few months ago, we were watching a movie together.  It was a more “adult,” though appropriate, film.  A few “ripe” words were tossed into the air.  I looked over at her and apologized and asked her if she’d like to stop the movie.

“It’s nothing I haven’t already heard on the bus,” she said, wiser than her then 9 old self.

So we talked about words and language and how it is a reflection of your character… How the people in the movie were depicted and the associations with those words are also associated with the people using them.  It was a good chat.  That never would have happened if I was a “drop-off parent.”

In conclusion, I am going to throw out a “Bus Challenge” to you: if you do not currently allow your kids to take the bus, give them the heads up TONIGHT that next week, they are going to take the bus!  Make the 153Promise to love your child by giving them the opportunity to face a situation, talk about it with you, learn a lesson, and develop as a person.  Chances are, the more they protest, the more they need to do it…

It builds character.