Tag: Children

Four Verbs of L.O.V.E. Introduction

On By JenniferOzgurIn empathy, Love, Parenting, Relationships, ValidationLeave a comment

baby feet loveA little proactive measures can insure that we stay connected to our family members.  I’ve come up with an acronym I call “The Four Verbs of L.O.V.E.” to help people improve their relationships.  I use them with my own children and educate other parents about them during my lecture series and workshops.

I came up with the concept when my daughter was just a baby and I was kissing her… a lot.  I did the math, and I figured that if I kissed her 153 times a day from birth until she turned eighteen, she’d have received over one million kisses.  I found it incredibly inspiring to realize that it was possible for me to perform anything a million times- let alone showering my daughter with affection.  I spent some time wordsmithing my findings into a poem, and “One Million Kisses: The Promise of 153” was born.

Determined to make an impact, I began to research the science behind kissing and quickly discovered how closely connected it is to cognitive function.  The findings led me to expand my learning to child development, and eventually, I created a parenting program based around the concept of the “153 Promise.”  I continue to develop my program with evidence-based research, neuroscience, and trauma-informed techniques.

Over the next few posts, I’m going to delve into each verb and discuss how to fully embrace the action in order to connect with your child in a meaningful way.

I’m very excited to begin writing about “The Four Verbs of L.O.V.E.”  It is my hope that they will help families stay close and healthy.

Can you guess the first verb of L.O.V.E.?

#153Promise

 

“Mom… I don’t feel good.” 5 Ways to Diagnose a Cold

On By JenniferOzgurIn Health, Parenting, SchoolLeave a comment

It’s 7.  You can’t get them out of bed.  They say they are sick.

Home sick from school

Here’s a Parent Proof Plan on how to decide whether or not your child is legitimately sick, or just has “Testitis,” a sudden case of dread due to an exam.

  1. Take their temperature… with you present.  We’ve all seen Ferris Buler’s Day Off.  You can put a thermometer on a light bulb.  CFLs?  You can rub it on sheets to make the heat from the friction raise the temperature.  How do I know?  I got the T-shirt.
  2. Ask to smell their breath if they said they puked.  Gross, yes.  But if you didn’t actually hear the heaves and/or they didn’t tell you ahead of time that they were going to throw up, I’d be suspect.  It’s not a fun time (remember college?), and they usually would call for you before.  So if they claim they hurled but they conveniently already finished and flushed, ask to get a whiff.
  3. Remind them that sleep deprivation is NOT an illness.  Yanking them out of bed when they are just too tired may be the repercussion they need to inspire them to get to bed earlier next time.  Allowing them to snooze for an hour only enables them to stay up later in the future.
  4. Tell them that if they can’t go to school, all other activities are cancelled until further notice.  No practice.  No play dates.  No video games.  Once they realize they’ll be under house arrest, they may feel cured in five minutes.
  5. Tell them that you are going to email all their teachers and will have them do a work-from-home session.  When they hear of this plan for their sick day, they may realize that it’ll be more hassle to stay home than to just buck up and make it in to pledge allegiance to their education.

Continue reading ““Mom… I don’t feel good.” 5 Ways to Diagnose a Cold” →

Be Their Universe…

On By JenniferOzgurIn Love, Relationships, Validation, WritingLeave a comment

Universe, Person, Silhouette, Star, Joy

You know the saying that if you put something out there into the universe, it will come back to you???  Well, I spoke on the phone to my publisher again last night.  I know, right???  (I will update the results of the conversation in tomorrow’s post.)

It’s all coming together… I can feel it…

Continue reading “Be Their Universe…” →

Kids and Stress… Round Peg; Square Hole

On By JenniferOzgurIn Health, Parenting, Relationships, School2 Comments

Sad, Learning, School, Reading, Challenging

The last hour of the Stress Workshop I attended was supposed to be a Q and A about how to best address stress with you children once it rears its ugly head.  I was looking forward to learning some tips and maybe even some proactive strategies.  It didn’t happen.

Instead, these were some of the questions that parents asked:

  • How can I get my kid to hand in her homework?
  • Why won’t my kid do his homework?
  • How can I get my kids to listen to me?
  • Why won’t my kid do his chores?

You see the pattern?  These weren’t actual open ended questions about how to HELP their kids; these were actually complaints disguised as questions.

Continue reading “Kids and Stress… Round Peg; Square Hole” →

Managing Stress: It’s a Continuum

On By JenniferOzgurIn Health, Parenting, SchoolLeave a comment

This is the third installment on my series of notes from the Stress Workshop I attended last week hosted by our school district…

Once the speaker, psychologist Lou Bevilacqua, defined stress and who gets it, he gave some basic tips on what to do.

Angry Man, Point, Finger, India, AngryFirst, he said the following strategies do NOT work:

  • yelling
  • threatening
  • shutting down
  • melting down
  • lecturing
  • bribing
  • blackmailing
  • nagging

and finally,

  • ignoring
  • invalidating

Continue reading “Managing Stress: It’s a Continuum” →

Defining Stress, Part Two: Finding Clarity

On By JenniferOzgurIn Health, ParentingLeave a comment

Once the audience’s participation died down, Dr. Bevilacqua brought some clarity to the idea of stress- what it is, what causes it and who is prone to suffer from it.

First, he echoed that yes, there are many things that can trigger a reaction through the day.  But it morphs into “stress” by meeting several criteria:

  1. intensity
  2. duration
  3. affecting our ability to be productive

That means that while some things may cause discomfort at the moment, it may not actually develop into stress.
Panic, Shout, PeopleIs a trip to the dentist stressful, or just not enjoyable?  It becomes “stress” only if the effects of anticipating the visit are over a prolonged period of time and get in the way of other activities.

How about a child’s test?  If they are concerned about the test, study, get a little nervous right before, take it, and then go about the rest of the day, then it’s inaccurate to label it as “stress.”  But if they constantly worry about that class, get ‘sick’ in order to avoid taking the test and can’t go to rehearsal or practice for another activity due to that event, then yes… it’s stress.

Continue reading “Defining Stress, Part Two: Finding Clarity” →

What You Kept Hearing as a Kid…

On By JenniferOzgurIn Health, Love, Parenting, Relationships, ValidationLeave a comment

Close-Up, Communication, Deaf, EarPositive or not, what your parents said to you over and over when you were growing up has a lasting effect.

It becomes a mantra –consciously or otherwise — and will manifest in your own parenting if not acknowledged.

A little memory exercise to recall what you heard as a kid might create some awareness in what you say to your own children.

The ones I heard were:

  • Stop crying, or I’ll give you something to cry about
  • Either put it away, or chuck it away
  • JENNIFER!!! (usually from another room, just before the you-know-what hit the fan)
  • If you hate me so much, then just divorce me (said by Mom to Dad after his criticism)
  • Jerk
  • Candy Ass
  • Lazy
  • You’ll never get into college and will wind up homeless

and then, the most confusing:

  • I love you/I’m sorry

I make it my #153Promise ever day to not belittle my children and/or send them mixed messages.  I love them.  I appreciate them.  I value them.  Love should not bring shame, fear or guilt.

Saint, Meditation, Yoga, Meditating

Please make it your #153Promise to examine the messages you send to you children.  Ask them what they hear you say a lot.  Make it during a calm time.  Make them feel safe with their response.

It may just open your eyes… and ears.

-Kisses! XxXx

Be a Corn Flake!

On By JenniferOzgurIn Health, humor, Writing2 Comments

Okay, I’ll admit this is a stretch of a “post” (sorry Kellogg’s!), but I’m inspired to write about it, so I’m silencing my inner editor and rolling with it.

It was a glorious two-hour-delay this past Tuesday, thanks to a Presidential sleet storm.  I was able to get up with my 3 1/2 year old son and enjoy breakfast with him. When I asked him what he wanted to eat, he said,

“Chicken cereal!”

WHAT???

I looked at him with what must have been a strange look on my face, because he laughed and then pointed to the kitchen counter and said again,

“Chicken cereal!”

My gaze followed the direction of his index finger, and there it was:

Hero image

(picture: http://www.kelloggs.com/en_US/kellogg-s-corn-flakes-consumer-brand.html)

Cute, right?  But there’s (yet another) metaphor I discovered in this box of cereal.

The Kellogg brothers are steeped in some pretty wild history.  Long story short, they ran a sanitarium and created food items they believed controlled certain behaviors which contributed to poor mental health.

One day, they had an error with smashed wheat and flakes were born.  They tried with corn, and the sunny yellow cereal hatched forth.

They were sold at first to their former patients.  The brothers then had a nasty legal battle, the one got the rights to the flakes, added sugar (ironically) and made Kellogg’s Corn Flakes one of the best selling cereals of all time.

Where’re the lessons to be learned?

Cereal, Bowl, Milk, Breakfast, Meal

  1. Sometimes, good things can come from a mistake.
  2. Sometimes, you have to trust your gut and go on your own.
  3. Sometimes, wanting to help people with their mental health issues has its rewards.

They’re also comparatively low in sugar and can be used in a variety of ways.

Make the #153Promise to always see the world in a different, positive light- and remind your children of this approach, as well.  What a perfect time to remind yourself of this promise at breakfast- the most important meal of the day.

So put a box of the famous “Chicken Cereal” on the kitchen counter — whether or not you actually eat them — to serve as a reminder that sometimes, life can have some unexpected pleasant surprises.

-Kisses! XxXx

 

A Traumatic Statistic: Prevalence of PTSD

On By JenniferOzgurIn Health, Organization and Business, Parenting, Relationships, School, ValidationLeave a comment

Fear, Woman, Crack, Notch, Furrow

Did you know that a whopping 70% of the general public will experience a traumatic event, and of those who do, 20% go on to develop PTSD?

Children lack the proper coping mechanisms, so they are particularly vulnerable.

War is not the only way to get PTSD.  Other traumatic events can include:

  • a serious injury or illness
  • a death
  • a car accident
  • a significant life change, like a divorce or move
  • abuse or bullying
  • dysfunction in the home, like yelling or addiction
  • a disaster like a fire
  • a crime
  • either first-hand experience of the events above or even witnessing them second-hand

The key to not developing PTSD in the first place is to get immediate aftercare.  But if that did not happen, it’s not too late to seek treatment for your child months or even years afterward.

Some of the symptoms of PTSD, according to the Mayo Clinic and WebMD re:

  • Irritability, angry outbursts or aggressive behavior
  • Always being on guard for danger
  • Overwhelming guilt or shame
  • Self-destructive behavior, such as drinking too much or driving too fast
  • Trouble concentrating
  • Not enjoying activities usually enjoyed
  • Avoiding certain situations
  • Trouble sleeping
  • Bad dreams
  • Being easily startled or frightened
  • Panic attacks
  • Headaches, stomach aches, muscle pain without specific injury

For students, these may also manifest as lowered grades or discipline problems at school.

Candle, Rose, Tealight, Quiet

Every child deserves to feel at peace and safe in their environment.  You never know if something they experienced may have been recorded as a trauma in their brain and they need professional help to learn how to re-regulate their emotions.

If your child starts to begin to display any of the signs above, or if they or your family has experienced any of the major events listed above,  please make the #153Promise to contact their guidance counselor and share your concerns.

They may need validation from someone who understands what they are going through.

-KissesXxXx

 

Trust the Teachers: Another Way to Love Your Kids

On By JenniferOzgurIn Parenting, School, ValidationLeave a comment

Education, School, Back To SchoolNow’s the time to select courses for next year.  Placing your child in the correct classes is a very important decision and can set the stage for either a pleasant year, or a stressful one.

You child’s teachers have been monitoring their progress since September.  They know the strengths and weaknesses of your child and also know about the requirements of the courses for next year.

If your child is doing well this year, that’s not necessarily an indication that they should be ‘bumped up’ a level.  Unless they are making high As and say they want more of a challenge, you may be setting up your child to be stretched too thin next year.

Conversely, if you have a student who’s been struggling all year, you may want to ask the teacher’s opinion about actually dropping down a level.  There’s no shame in admitting that your child is in over their head.

If your child is going into or currently in high school, I’d also take your child’s desires into consideration when planning for post graduation.  Do not automatically assume they are going into college.  If they are not self motivated and/or do not like school or reading, then they very likely will not see the value in getting up to go to classes, preparing for them, writing the papers and studying for the few tests they will have.  You may want to discuss career options that include technical training.  They may be able to learn skills that give them the chance to get a career with opportunity for growth in a field they enjoy.

Think about the years 18-22: would you rather pay for tuition where they’re barely passing, or have them make their own money, learn independence, and feel pride that they are making a wage doing honorable work?

Book, Bored, College, Education, FemaleAn education should be to discover what your child can learn and achieve- not what they can’t do.  You may ‘know’ your child, but in this area, their teachers know more.  You may see them doing their work at home, but if the teacher records zeros for assignments not handed in, your child may be sending you a coded message.  They may be in their room ‘studying’ all night, but if they are not testing well, have you quizzed them on the material the night before to make sure they knew the content?

True, every child deserves opportunities.  But if a teacher thinks the child is truly not at the point of readiness for a certain step in their education, then the opportunity you may actually be providing is to set them up for failure.

Birger Kollmeier, Professor, Blackboard

Please keep your own ego and motivation in check if you are considering overriding either your child or their teacher’s thoughts regarding class selection for next year.

Make it your #153Promise to trust the teachers to know what’s best regarding your child’s scholastic abilities to give your child every opportunity to succeed.

-Kisses! XxXx