I was a bit long-winded yesterday, so I’ll try to make my Christmas post a bit more concise…
I got onto Facebook this morning and was greeted by tons of beaming smiles and pictures of presents. And that’s awesome. But what happens once the euphoria wears off and normalcy sets in? Will the extreme happiness still be there? Or will there be a little anti-climactic letdown as we get on with daily life?
My husband and I got into a deep philosophical chat about my issue with the “Happiness is your birthright” comment in the Angel From Hell trailer I posted. He didn’t understand my objection. He thought it’s a nice idea to think that everybody deserves to be happy; I argued that we do NOT deserve to be happy; just have our needs met. And that’s where we began to pontificate.
From my perspective, the only thing we deserve is to not suffer.
If I do not go hungry, I have heat when I’m cold and my other basic needs met, then that’s good enough for me. Truly.
I do not think I’m entitled to anything more than to break even in my day. Anything else is extra and while it may roll over into tomorrow and can ease any insecurities, it’s not happiness.
Similarly, money and possessions cannot bring happiness; rather, I think it just raises the bar higher to make increasing demands to keep a certain status quo. I prefer not to chase this elusive emotion. I’d rather just achieve contentment with what I already possess.
But if happiness means the ability to experience joy, then yes, we all should possesses this skill.
The key is to be able to experience intense pleasure from every day events: a feel of piece of chocolate as it melts in your mouth; the smell of the earth on a warm day; the song of a bird at dusk; a cozy sweatshirt…
All these little sensations bring me happiness because I realize how lucky I am to be able to be in the present moment and be thankful for these little gifts.
But I do not think that the mere fact that I am on this Earth entitles me to any excess beyond sustaining life.
So my 153Promise for the day is to remind my children to be thankful for all the extras they have in life.
It may be a cliché, but happiness really is a state of mind that comes from within. If being content with what we already have can be our new happiness, then that’s the key to true inner peace.
Fostering this ability is the best gift we can give our children.
It’s Christmas Eve Day. Kids are out of school; there are last minute shopping for stocking stuffers; cookies are laid out, and presents go under the tree for tomorrow morning.
Little ones will wake up super early, eager to rip open their gifts.
Some even go to church.
Before I get too deep into my post, I submit to you one of my favorite clips of the holidays:
I try not to speak too much about faith on this blog because that subject can get very touchy due to all the perversions of the beliefs in all the different world religions. However, I think it’s appropriate today, given all the expectations of tonight and tomorrow. But first, I think it’s only fair that I tell you a little bit about who I am so you have a little perspective on the woman who’s writing this Christmas Miracle post…
I am Muslim. I converted (some prefer the term ‘reverted’) when I got married to my husband several years ago. I thought it was important to have a united front as a family. His whole family is wonderful and they all live the true Islamic way. They love God (Allah) and have shown me more love since meeting me a few years ago than I’ve experienced my whole life by my family of origin.
Before that, I was studying Buddhism. (I still do.) Before that, I was not much of anything. Before that, I was a hard core Catholic. Like, leading the Sunday mass as a cantor in high school Catholic. My journey has had many twists and turns, but my path right now has me wearing a scarf. (I suppose when I decide to commit to something, I really embrace it.)
People see the scarf and make all kinds of assumptions. People think I’m oppressed, crazy, brainwashed, a terrorist… all those great media-perpetuated stereotypes. People somehow think Islam is the Anti-Christian religion. As a result, I feel like I need to go out of my way to really get into the holiday spirit, just to show that Muslims are not some Godless group. I’m sure most of the general public would be shocked to learn that we “believe” in Jesus- he’s in the Qur’an. He was born of the Virgin Mary. He traveled and preached the Word of God. He was prosecuted for his teachings, and he will come back at the end of days as the Messiah. The main departure is that Muslims do not concede that Jesus is God, and that he did not die on the cross for our sins. But many surveys have been conducted asking self-proclaimed Christians if they believe that Jesus is the only way to everlasting life, and the numbers are in the teens.
I could go on and on about the topic of the faiths and how they are observed, but in short, I am NOT anti-Christmas. When people ask me if I “celebrate” Christmas, I have to really gage how they ask it. Are they worried about offending me? Are they asking about Islam? Is it just a passive aggressive poke? So to answer, while I do not acknowledge Christmas as a day to give praise to the birth of God incarnate, yes, I do observe that this is the time to recognize the birth of Jesus.
It’s also the time of the winter solstice and the new calendar year.
So do I decorate for the season? Yes. In fact, we’re the only house on the block with religious decorations! (We have an light up angel hanging off our porch banister.)
Do I give gifts of affection when we visit relatives over winter break? Yes. We have pictures of our son sitting on Santa’s lap (taken for free at the YMCA). In Turkey, Santa is called “Noel Baba” and in fact, the original St. Nicholas is from Turkey! You see him and decorated trees in Turkish malls this time of year.
In short, do I participate in the wide-spread secularism of Christmas? Like most of the general public, yes. But our household keeps it low key for two reasons:
we truly embrace what Christmas is all about and treat the true meaning with respect
we are trying to teach our children moderation and not buy into the sense of greed and entitlement of the season.
I held this position even before I met my now husband. I’ve always thought that Jesus has been lost along the way and capitalism has taken over. Sad on all accounts. In that sense, Charlie Brown and I are of the same mind.
So my point is that I’d love to see some Christmas Miracles tonight and tomorrow… if you celebrate Christmas, please take your children to church. Pray to God for peace on Earth. Think of Jesus and what he preached during his 33 years. Listen to the sermon of your spiritual leaders. Hopefully, he or she will remind the congregation that we are all brothers and sisters in the eyes of God.
And when your children begin with the Gimmie-gimmies, pause for a moment to give them a reality check about where their hearts are Christmas morning. In that sense, a little Buddhist mindfulness would be a great addition amongst the boxes and bows.
What prompted me to make this post?
I was on the elliptical at the Y yesterday, and this came on the machine:
Perfect timing, ironically. Just as the story of the angel of the Lord sends word to Mary that she will be giving birth to Jesus, an Angel from Hell comes to a woman and tells her that, “You don’t just deserve to be happy; it’s your birthright.”
Really???
That sense of entitlement is exactly what is wrong with our society.
Yes, I am Muslim. And I am going to truly observe the meaning of Christmas by humbly praying to God that parents everywhere — no matter what faith — make the 153Promise to their families by teaching their children to be thankful for everything that they have. Gifts are not just the items under the tree. Gifts are everywhere: your home, your working body parts, your bosses or teachers, your relatives…
It’s my prayer that Christmas Miracles of appreciation are in the air… no just tonight and tomorrow, but all year around.
Note: My vision of this blog is to be a resource for ways to give children positive messages to raise a emotionally healthy child. Once 2016 begins, I intend to make my own 153Promise to make 153 blog entries on ways to “kiss” your child so they wind up with “On Million Kisses” by the time they turn 18. Until then, I’m throwing out a bunch of content that’s been on my mind for quite some time. This is one of those posts…
Every parent knows the “joys” of the yearly physical checkup at the pediatrician. It’s usually scheduled at a sick visit when you child needs antibiotics for that horrible cough or ear ache. The very nice physicians’ assistant (PA) helpfully suggests, “Would you like to schedule your yearly well visit at this time?” This is usually in February and the calendar is booked well into July. Still, you pick a random date towards the end of the summer and pray you don’t forget it. Thankfully, the offices sends you a reminder call 48 hours in advance so you can cancel the plans you made in the meantime.
Your child gets weighed and measured. Poked and prodded. Not unlike picking the perfect melon for a picnic. 98.6? Check. Still ten fingers and toes? Check. Pooping? Check.
All of this is important, just to make sure everything’s looking normal. We trust the doctor to pick up anything unusual, and the doctor trusts us to divulge any concerns we may have. It’s a system that’s been in place for ages.
Why not for mental health?
You may say that primary care physicians (PCPs) are trained for such screenings, but their training is limited. Kind of like a plumber fixing your leaky sink and noting that the wiring may — or may not — be grounded right in your kitchen outlets. You need to call an electrician to get a more educated opinion.
My wish is that EVERY child in the U. S. gets a yearly screening for any issues dealing with mental health. It should be done by a highly trained, highly astute therapist who knows how to spot the markers for things like anxiety, depression, mood disorders… There should be a very detailed pre-visit form to fill out. Depending upon the age of the child, they should be part of that process, similar to the courts considering the child’s opinion in custody hearings.
A questionnaire with the Strongly Agree; Agree; Neutral; Disagree; Strongly Disagree should be filled out by both the caregiver and the child. Part of HIPA, there should be parts of the form that can be voluntarily filled out by a PA without the parent present if the child needs help with the form and the parent gives consent in order to ensure that the child is forthcoming with the answers.
Questions like:
I am happy at school
I feel supported at home
I feel in control of my life
I go to sleep without fear
I make healthy choices about my body
My friendships add to my enjoyment of life
There is an adult I trust if I have problems
I do not feel like I am in danger in any way
Or for the more concerning:
My life feels out of control sometimes
I have thoughts of not wanting to be here anymore
There are some fears I can’t get out of my head
I fear some people in my life
I don’t enjoy activities I used to like
People don’t notice my problems
Even very young children could point to emojis or pick pictures to color to get an idea of how they view the world and their place in it.
I firmly believe that if we as a nation start focusing our attention on these types of issues at a very early age, we could see a huge turn around in how we treat children with regarding mental health issues.
If a child’s responses start showing a cause for concern, early interventions can be done. Things as simple as recommending a support group for both the parents and child… Recommending certain books or resources for the family… even a few intensive sessions with a therapist to teach coping mechanisms… for the entire family.
Will this cost money upfront? Perhaps. But imagine how much money would be saved by having a whole generation of more well adjusted people walking around. Imagine crime rates going down. Addiction being reduced. Fewer suicides or mass shootings.
The real tragedy that occurs in horrible media events is when people are interviewed and say, “Yeah… there were some red flags.”
It’s my hope that 153Promise takes off and becomes a platform for sweeping mental health reform for children.
That’s my mission. Some may think I’m crazy, and I need to get my head examined.
My son just turned three and a half years old yesterday. I can’t say enough about the guy. He’s bright, got a sunny disposition and a laugh that could melt the Antarctic. Every day, I thank God for my precious gift.
I love watching him develop and learn new skills as he figures out the world and his place in it. It’s the coolest thing when something is there today that wasn’t there yesterday. And that new concept is… jealousy.
My son and I were hanging out in the kitchen yesterday morning. My husband comes down the stairs into the living room. He says good morning, and I go over to give him a hug and kiss. Our usually happy-go-lucky son hops down off the stool and says, “No, Baba, (that’s Turkish for Daddy), that’s MY Mommish!” (That’s our son’s Turklish pet name for me.)
I instantly said to my boy, “Oh, sweetie, there’s enough love for everybody!” We then made a counting game of me kissing my son ten times, and then I kissed my husband ten times. And so on until we ended in a three-way hug.
I totally can see why my son was upset. We are constantly teaching him to share… because most times, the set item has a finite supply and anything he takes means that someone else will have to do without. It is totally understandable to apply the same logic to kisses: if I give ten kisses to my husband, that leaves ten fewer for my son, right???
So we had to show our son that there will never be an end to kisses. They are not like toys at the YMCA playground or animal crackers at snack time. It’s not a game to compete for the limited supply.
Now, can you imagine if I shamed him by reprimanding his behavior? That he shouldn’t WANT my love? If I had pushed him away to keep hugging my husband, that would have taught my son that my love IS a thing to compete for and covet. No child should be made to feel guilty for wanting their parents’ love. It would have caused him anxiety and rightfully so. Love should never be contest.
So next time one of your children is competing for your attention (which is really your affection), explain to them that the best way to give everybody what they want is to all pile together and get it done!
Feeling pulled in different directions? If everybody folds the laundry together, then there’s more time freed up to work on homework, together, at the same table.
It’s just like architecture: the more (tri)angles there are, the stronger the structure. So the more people sharing the love, the more triangles can be formed, thereby strengthening the love!
So make the 153Promise to show the regenerating power of your love! Supplies unlimited: Act Now!
When I was in high school, I discovered musicals. My favorite at the time was Into the Woods by Stephen Sondheim. It’s a mash-up of several fairy tales, whereby they all have to go into the woods to get what they want. (Symbolism, anybody?)
Toward the end of the work, a widower/baker begins to tell his fussing infant child the story of his mother, creating a legacy for his offspring. The witch who was the antagonist throughout the plot stands off to the side, offering one of the main messages of the musical in the form of a haunting lullaby, warning:
Careful the things you say; Children will listen. Careful the things you do; Children will see And learn.
Children may not obey, But children will listen. Children will look to you For which way to turn- To learn what to be. Careful before you say: “Listen to me.” Children will listen…
I remember singing along with my tape (yes, I’m that old), in my bedroom and I loved that song for it’s bittersweetness. Now that I’m a mother and have children of my own, I understand this song on a whole different level.
For me now, the message this song sends is that your sons and daughters will learn about the world through your words and actions. What lessons do you want to send through how you act?
The first understandings of how a relationship is supposed to function is from how you interact with your partner. (At a young age, they cannot separate themselves from the situation; how you react with them teaches them more about the world; not interpersonal communication.) Therefore, it is very important to model what a healthy, loving relationship looks and sounds like.
I was given the model of dysfunction. When I was growing up, my parents argued all the time. They were never affectionate. I came to believe that the people who are highly involved in your life are also the ones who know you enough to hypercritical about you. Hugging and kissing was only the stuff in movies and obviously not reality. As a result, I sought out that same dysfunction I was used to seeing as a child.
Only now as I write this am I realizing that it took another 18 years away from my parents to totally relearn life lessons in how to attract and keep functional relationships. I think I am not unique in this phenomenon whereby people turn a corner in their insight about their lives in their mid 30s- it’s because they have had as many years away from their family of origin to realize that their understanding of the world and the people in it comes from their childhood and is not necessarily Truth.
When your children experience second hand your relationship you have with their father, mother — biological or otherwise — you are really creating a certain “relationship radar” in your children. So make the 153Promise to your husband, wife, partner or any other people your children come in contact with to model the type of relationship your children will have when they become old enough to have one of their own.
I’m in my 40s. When I was in school, I remember this PSA on TV:
It was so prevalent in our culture because of Nancy Reagan’s “Just Say No” platform and the huge presence of the drug culture.
I was never part of that crowd, so it never really had much of an impact upon me. However, I think it’s totally appropriate now that I’m a parent. Kids do learn from their parents. So what lessons do you want to teach?
It’s easier to watch what you say to your children about their behaviors, but what are you saying about yourself ?
If you put yourself down in any way, you are basically saying, “I’m crap.” This damages your children’s self esteem because they are created by you. Do you really want them thinking, “I’m the offspring of crap” ?
I always remember this warning when I hear, “Oh my… your daughter looks JUST like you!” I get this all. the. time. Now, can you imagine if she hears me say in the mirror, “I hate my nose… I wish I had bigger lips… my butt looks fat…” Instead, I beam with pride and say, “Thank you! She’s so lucky, isn’t she? Because I’m gorgeous!!!” And I’m NOT being sarcastic! Lighthearted, yes, as not to be boastful. But I want my daughter to feel proud that she comes from me.
The Dove line of beauty products nailed it in their recent beauty campaign:
Are you crying yet?
So please remember that when you make the 153Promise to love your child, that 153Promise starts with you! Remember to be kind to your own spirit and teach your children that they are valued… by valuing yourself.
(Note: I am not finished with this post, but I wanted to push it out. Please check back later on in the week for more content.)
Yes, this is a site that wants to focus on showing love and affection to our children. I can practically smell the chocolate chip cookies and am blinded by all the shiny glitter. But sometimes, it’s necessary to go a little Dark…
Yes, it’s the holiday season and all thoughts are on celebrating and happy times. However, sometimes heightened emotions with all those expectations of recreating a Norman Rockwell moment can create a lot of pressure and ultimately backfire. Especially if there’s been a little dipping into the giant punchbowl of “Holiday Cheer.”
So while everybody’s hyper-focused on trimming the tree, wrapping presents and forcing everybody to wear matching outfits for their yearly festive family photo that gets uploaded onto their Facebook page, please allow me to throw a little reality into the mix.
I thought it important to actually run down a list of dysfunctional parenting techniques and their consequences. Perhaps some of them may sound familiar because you grew up in this situation. If so, then you may already have some insight and be making adjustments so you don’t repeat the cycle. The also may strike a chord because you realize your child is already displaying certain behaviors listed below; in that case, you can look deep into yourself or any other authority figure in their lives to identify the source and then make adjustments accordingly.
We’re all human and flawed. This list is not to name, blame, and shame. It is to serve as a resource toward kinder, more loving choices. Please take it in that spirit.
Also, I feel the need to make a disclaimer: I am NOT a licensed therapist. My knowledge comes from years of teaching, extensive personal research from a variety of reliable sources, and my own life. They are in my own words, from my own perspective. I also cannot possibly list where I got my information, as it is common knowledge within the psychiatric community. For more information, I suggest you consult the DSM5.org website. Also realize that there are no physical tests for any psychological/psychiatric disorders- the only criteria is that enough boxes are checked in a list of symptoms. This ambiguity causes much controversy, as one therapist may diagnose a patient with one disorder and another therapist may assess in a very different way. Additionally, some people will want to label typical “normal” behavior as a disorder, while others may normalize, or downplay, toxic behaviors. There is also a lot of “bleeding” from one disorder to another due to the similarity of conditions, either causes or effects. Comorbidity, or multiple disorders, may also occur. Furthermore, the DSM is constantly changing, expanding, or collapsing their conditions (presumably for insurance coding purposes or in response to political lobbying or legislative changes). Finally, it is important to realize that there are some emotional/mental disorders that are physical (chemical) in nature not caused by any learned patterns and may require more extensive treatment.
Additionally, some patients seek out medication, while others only seek behavior modification or both. This post is not meant to be a diagnostic tool. Rather, it is meant to create awareness and mindfulness regarding healthy relationship decisions in the future to foster an affectionate environment, enabling children to thrive.
The following list is a general list of maladaptations that may be the result of dysfunctional parenting, in alphabetical order. Check back from time to time, as I will update as I think of more and expand my descriptions.
You may want to revisit this post from time to time as a gentle barometer to see if the behaviors of either you or people around you seem to be aligned with any of the above patterns. If so (or even the need to re-read this list), you may want to seek out some professional support.
So when you find yourself getting caught up with the pressures of life — be it something like the holidays or just daily routine business — keep the 153Promise to yourself and your loved ones to be mindful and aware of the fact that everything you do has a ripple effect of reactions, and act only from a position of L.O.V.E.
I decided to create a special page on my blog for books and other resources that I highly recommend. I’ll create a post on my front page whenever I add more entries.
If you’ve watched enough news commentary on any media channel, you’ve most likely heard the some variation of the adage, “Those who fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it.”
This sentiment is especially true about relationships. There may or may not be a genetic component to dysfunction, but it certainly is hereditary.
If your goal is to have a emotionally healthy relationship with anybody, you have to do a lot of work on yourself. I say this because I firmly believe that it’s impossible to have a healthy dynamic with anybody until you have a healthy relationship with yourself. It all comes down to self esteem.
If you don’t have the ability to love yourself, you cannot truly love someone else. We first get our ability to love ourselves from our family of origin. We develop our sense of Self from our initial care givers. We learn what type of World it is “out there” by the people who first create the environment we explored as babies and toddlers.
It’s a deep concept, but if you are still operating as an adult based upon your first three years, then you are letting your inner child still cry for validation, and that is NOT a good way to deal with anybody.
Child development experts say that 80% of our psyche is created in the first three years of our lives and we spend the REST of our lives developing the remaining 20%. Sometimes, we have to go back to our past to retrain that 80% to instill in us the confidence, security and sense that we are valued as a person. We have to heal that inner child so we are no longer operating from a repressed toddler temper tantrum.
How to do that? There’s tons of books out there to help you, but what worked for me is to list all the stuff that I didn’t like about my present life and work it backward. How did I get there? How is what’s going on today ultimately linked to my past? And how is that linked to my parents? I also learned about THEIR pasts and understood what motivated THER behaviors as well. Think of it as a Freudian Family Tree… only the descendants are maladjustments to one’s surroundings.
I’ll give you just one small example of the insights I got from doing my work: decisions. I’m very bad at making them. Mainly because my father was hyper critical when I was growing up and I learned that whatever I DID do was probably wrong. Therefore, any choices I was faced with as an adult was met with a lot of anxiety on my part because I did not want to repeat that feeling I had as a child of doing something wrong, thereby confirming that my father (and later on, peers) were actually right: that I was a deeply flawed human being. Therefore, any time I was faced with making any type of choice, I’d have a meltdown. I remember crying in the mall because I needed shoes but couldn’t decide between the black or brown ones. I left in tears with nothing.
Or I’d get myself so worked up when someone would ask me, “What do you want to do for dinner tonight” and I’d just say, “Nothing,” just to avoid making a decision- I couldn’t possibly articulate my needs because I didn’t even know what they were. So then the well-adjusted person would actually believe me… and do nothing! I’d then feel invalidated and spin things around on THEM and make them out to be the enemy… only because they put me in the position that reminded me of being a kid, and I had cast them in the role of my father. I’d be triggered as an abuse survivor and I’d be lashing out at a friend and they were like, “What the heck? I was just trying to be nice to her!”
Pretty messed up, huh? Now imagine if I had pulled that illogical nonsense with my child… But people do that all the time. And so the cycle continues.
So it’s ESSENTIAL to really examine your behavior, identify patterns and figure out the causes so you do not operate from a position of dysfunction and inability to regulate your emotions; otherwise you will take all your baggage and pack it even tighter for your loved ones and they will be stuck carrying that heavy load and somehow believe that they asked for it and deserved it.
Imagine a happy childhood, how yours was not, and make the changes you need to make so you can give to your child what you did not get from your own caregivers when you were a kid.
Sometimes, your 153Promise can be in the form of loving your own inner child so you can do the same with the next generation.
This is the companion post to “It’s Never Too Early.”
Yesterday, I had posted about making the commitment to love your child even before your child is born; you can begin to prepare to start the journey of “One Million Kisses” way before the birth of your child. But what if that ship has said long ago and you already have a child- be it a toddler, teen or adult? Today, I am focusing on how to start the “Kissing Kounter” TODAY and make the 153Promise to that person before you go to sleep tonight!
I’m not planning to use this site as a space to vent about my own personal issues, but this is a time where I think it’s important to use my life as an example: I grew up in dysfunction. Granted, it wasn’t all bad- we had food and shelter. We went to church on Sunday and out for dinner after. My parents gave me music lessons and went to all of my concerts. But I was not thriving. I was not getting the kind of love I needed. (I posted what my definition of love a few days ago… scroll down if you need.)
Here’s my childhood in a nutshell-
Mom and Dad constantly fought. My dad was very demonstrative, and my mother was extremely submissive. I’d witness him saying horrible things to her to the point where she’d cry. When you are a little girl, your mother is your world. You are an extension of her. So if SHE’s crying, it’s like the universe is ending.
Once I got older, I became part of his wrath. He’d work at his job (he never really told me what he did there), come home and go on a war path. I remember hearing the gravel on the driveway pop underneath his tires and my mother saying to me, “Quick- your father’s home,” which basically meant “Don’t give your father a reason to yell.” This meant scrambling to clean up the house in 30 seconds before he came though the door. I have memories of my hair being yanked right out of my scalp as he led me around the house, rubbing my head in any items that were not put away. Like a dog. One image remains burned in my mind. It was a wash cloth at the bottom of the shower. I hadn’t wringed it up to dry. I don’t know which was worse: my father bellowing my name as he shamed me, or my mother’s judgment when she said, “You think you’d learn by now.”
There’s many more instances I could site, but I think that’s enough to give you an idea of our home climate… And then I’d go to school…
Let’s just say that I was not one of the cool kids. While my dad called me a jerk and a candy @$$ at home, my peers would bastardize my name so it had an unfortunate crude word in it. My dad never bought me the cool clothes (a necessity in the yuppie 80s) and my mother used to cut my hair on the steps in the basement. (Note to self- insert pictures of my awkward class pictures here.) As a result of all of these social epic fails, I was at the bottom of the popularity food chain. I was called “Freak.” In fact, the greatest regret I have at that time period was the ONE time on the bus I was not the subject of teasing, I joined in on it. So to the blonde-haired boy on the bus with me going to Fogelsville Elementary School in Orefield PA, I am sorry from the bottom of my heart.
My self esteem was on the floor. All of this led to me being withdrawn. It was a good day when I didn’t get noticed. As a result, my grades began to suffer, despite me being in the “gifted/high potential” classes. I was at the bottom of the top intellectually… It was a very weird experience. I find myself wanting to chronicle all my pain, but I have to remember where all of this is going…
Cut to my senior year, right around this time- a few weeks before Christmas. I had applied to college with no hopes of getting in. (My father was a master at instilling fear.) My 8 year old brother was also in the process of being diagnosed with leukemia- something I didn’t fully comprehend at the time. At a result, I had a meltdown. I had what can possibly be described as a temporary psychotic break. I like to call it my “Freak of the Week.” All my pent up anxiety came loose at once. It’ll make for a great post one day!
A few months later, I was so depressed, I really didn’t care about living anymore. I was in so much pain and I was so frustrated with my failed relationship with my parents, I just wanted to make some sort of statement to them. I was angry, but I couldn’t possibly say anything because I had no voice at this point, so it had to be drastic. I thought the best idea would be to kill myself so my suffering would be over, yet in a grand, poetic, ironic twist, their suffering would just begin. My dad was a hunter, so he had guns. I knew a shotgun would be clunky, so I went for the hand gun. But before I actually went to do it, call it the Grace of God or just morbid curiosity, I went to the bathroom mirror just to see what my final moment of life would look like.
I realized that I looked REALLY stupid. And then I realized that if I died, THEY would win. I’d be dead, and they would survive. So I made the decision that day to never give up on myself, even when the world certainly seemed to have given up on me.
Why am I telling you this? Because despite ALL of that — plus more dramatic, dysfunctional crap I’ve had to deal with in my life — I have made peace with my father and we are okay. We may not be super close, but we’re cool with each other. Why? Because it’s never too late.
*Next Post: How to start Day One of the 153Promise.
A "Trauma-Free Parenting" Initiative 