Category: Health

Social Media is “S & M”

On By JenniferOzgurIn Health, Love, Parenting, Relationships, Uncategorized1 Comment
woman-929838_1920Twitter; Instagram; Snapchat; Facebook…  these are the new ways to forge relationships, “Like” it, or not.

I find people’s behaviors on social media very interesting.  It’s like of like being drunk: it’s an altered state.  People post things to their “Friends” and make comments they would NEVER do in “real” life.  It begs the question- do people’s real hidden sides come out on the internet, or is there something essentially nefarious about screen interactions?

I’ve seen people who are normally very decorous give raunchy memes the “thumbs up.”  Closeted bigots post anti-fill-in-the-blank comments.  People go on rants about other people and things get shared, amplified and eventually feelings get hurt and real-life friends or relatives get blocked or “un-friended.”

It’s no coincidence to me that social media has “S” and “M” as its initials.  There’s a certain sadistic pleasure some people get from updating a status that will irk others.  And I can’t tell you how many times I read or hear about people’s feelings getting hurt because they were excluded from whatever online group membership they belong… yet they continue to engage in the drama, as if they get some sort or masochistic rush.

In that sense, I don’t see adults being any more mature than their teenage counterparts.

Kids learn what they see.  What kinds of real messages about relationships are you sending by the ones you post online?

Make it the #153Promise to model Sensitivity and Moderation with your social media.

The “W” Gene… Examining a Logical Fallacy in Parenting

On By JenniferOzgurIn Health, Parenting5 Comments

Here’s an article that’s recently taken parenting sites and Facebook groups by storm.  It’s talking about the hysteria about “W sitting” like the image below:

A Child W-Sitting

Image credit: http://www.lcp-home.com/Programs/Infant/Resources/W-sitting.html

What’s more interesting to me than the article are all the comments regarding the statement that this CAUSES “femoral rotation” and winds up with inward turning feet.  Some experts swear that it’s the worst thing a kid can do; others say it’s nonsense.  Then you have the anecdotal testimonies confirming or dispelling the claim.

I humbly suggest…

Image Credit

I think both camps got it wrong.  I think people are arguing the Chicken vs Egg and are ignoring the real issue… pre-existing hypermobility that CAUSES certain kids to sit like this in the FIRST place!

My opinion is that sitting this way does not necessarily cause any issues, but the kids who instinctively sit like this are also the same children who have possible underlying issues.

So rather than trying to “fix” the kids’ problems by “correcting” them to sit the “right” way, it makes more sense to me to take that child to their pediatrician and say: My kid is W sitting; can you please check him/her for any possible syndromes/issues that would CAUSE him/her to sit this way to BEGIN with?”

It’s a simple logical fallacy known as false cause.  Think of it this way: every time it rains, there are always umbrellas.  Therefore, umbrellas make it rain.

Sounds silly now, right?  That’s why I think it’s FALSE that every time I see a “W sitter,” I think it causes problems.

Yet people get VERY worked up about this issue on Facebook.

Sheep, Agriculture, Animals, CountrysideI urge you to make today’s 153Promise to take everything you read about parenting with a grain of salt.  Evaluate the source.  Is it on a site that’s mainly geared to selling products?  Read the comments.  Do they offer a strong counter argument/perspective?

Make the 153Promise to not only parent with your heart, but your brain as well.  Don’t be swayed by trends; be logical and observe your children and look to see if they have issues.

Don’t let a viral post be your parenting guide.

Kisses! XxXx

 

“A Long Line of… Xs and Ys?” Hereditary Vs Genetic

On By JenniferOzgurIn Health, Parenting, Relationships, UncategorizedLeave a comment

Poker, Playing, King, Ace, Game, Gambling, Card, HeartsIt takes a lot of introspection and a lot of ego-busting, but take a good, realistic, look at your kids.  What are they like?  Polite?  Kind?  Social?  Withdrawn?  Unruly?  Nasty?  Patient?  Short-tempered?  Flexible?  Anxious?

How did they get that way?  Most likely, it was from you.  Either from Nature (biologically) or Nurture (environmentally).  Sometimes, that line between the genes and the surroundings can get very perforated.

Many behaviors are hereditary… but that doesn’t mean it’s DNA related.  Let me explain…

First off, I must put a disclaimer: I am not a scientist.  But that does not mean what I am about to say is untrue.  In fact, I may be a very good person to be talking about the topic, since I can discuss it in very simple terms and not get too technical.  And if there are any scientists out there reading this post, by all means, back me up!

Some traits people have are genetic- passed down in DNA from the biological parents.  Babies are born that way.  Eye color, general body size, certain diseases or conditions like Downs Syndrome or cystic fibrosis… all these conditions are present at birth and are out of the person’s control.  A child adopted into a different family will not change the fate of these characteristics.

Then, there are certain traits that are fostered into a child: a good work ethic, cleanliness, organization skills… they can be taught.  Any skills that can be learned are usually not present at birth.  Granted, I am oversimplifying here.  But let’s use something like the model for a healthy relationship as an example.

People will tend to pick a potential partner for themselves that is a lot like the dynamics they witnessed growing up because that was the model shown to them.  Even though it may not be a good example, people become attracted to it because it feels like home.  I’ve mentioned before that my parents had a dysfunctional relationship.  As a result, I picked very bad people to get involved with up until I was about 36 (the magical number of years where a child has now spent just as much time away from their familial influence).

So if you identify patterns in your life that are not necessarily medically linked to your parents, look at the patterns in THEIR lives… then your grandparents’ lives…  Chances are, something was passed down from generation to generation that was not genetic, yet you inherited those traits.

College is another good example.  If your parents went to college, chances are, you will too.  And if you came from working class people, you most likely will go into the trade or family business or your parents.

But  there is no gene to my knowledge for picking a career or relationship.

Now that you can recognize that distinction, I think it’s important not to give too much credit to the gene pool.  Yes, you do get what you get by the roll of the Xs and Ys…  However, its crucial to admit that a lot of who we are is due to our environment.

True, science may have found certain genes LINKED to obesity or alcoholism.  However, look at the lifestyles the parents lead.  Parents who buy healthy food and model an active lifestyle usually do not have overweight kids.  I may have a gene linked to alcohol abuse, but if my parents never drank, that switch may never get turned on…  Conversely, I may have the intellectual potential to have a very high IQ, but if my parents never read to me or deprived me of stimulation at an early age, I will never fully reach my potential.

(I probably just stepped in it… right. about. now.)

My point is to be very careful how you view the mentality of “A chip off the old block” or “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.”  If it’s out of pride, then by all means, take credit that you’ve got a “Mini Me.”

But if you are under the illusion that your child is destined to suffer the same fate as you, make the 153Promise to challenge that view.  Is your child bad at math because of some genetic aversion to numbers, or did they pick it up because they asked you for help and you said, “I’ve never been good at it, either.”

Is your child fated to be anxious because you were diagnosed with a genetic disorder, or is it that they learned from you that the world is scary because you are anxious… and so was your mother or father…  Or maybe you yell at them a lot, so they are always waiting for the other shoe to drop… Or both.

Make the 153Promise to see what “long line of” whatever your family comes from, and examine WHY you think that is.  If in doubt, ask your family doctor and if they don’t know, ask them for the name of a geneticist to learn whether or not you can change your child’s pattern of behaviors.

Give your children every opportunity to succeed, regardless of their chromosomes.

You may not be able to control the cards they were dealt, but you can help them play their hand to the best of their advantage.  And if you were never taught those skills, seek out someone who knows better than you.  Go or your child’s guidance counselor or pediatrician for support.

What “Long Line” do you want your children to come from???

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cell Phone Angst… and Challenge

On By JenniferOzgurIn Health, Parenting, Relationships, School, Uncategorized6 Comments

How old are your children?  When did they get — or do you plan to get them — cell phones?  Why?  Smartphone, Woman, Girl, Iphone, Apple Inc, Touch

I ask because I fail to see cell phones improving the quality of life in tweens and teens.  Rather, I only see anxiety and a giant paradox regarding cell phone communication: the more kids use their phones, the less connected they feel to the people with whom they are supposed to be communicating.

I’m going to put my Teacher Hat on for this post and speak from the perspective of the educator.  Here is what I am seeing during the school day:

  1. Texting each other the first and last few minutes of class.  About what, I can only guess, as I cannot legally go into their devices… (But YOU can… if you dare.)
  2. Taking “selfies” and/or “Snapchatting/Vining,” then obsessively checking to see how many “likes” they are getting.
  3. Increased requests to leave the class to “go to the bathroom” or “get a drink.”  Presumably to use their phones so they don’t get in trouble during class.  I can’t tell them no, but they are losing instruction time, as their trips are longer than necessary to sneak in a few more texts.
  4. More requests to text parents because they “forgot” something.  This irony is that the more they rely on texting parents, the less they need to communicate with their families BEFORE  and AFTER the school day is in session.
  5. Notifying me that they need to go to the office to pick up something… presumably because they just got a text saying their item from #4 was just dropped off.

(On my own time, I even saw a post on a Moms’ FB group asking what other mothers would do if they saw test answers on their kid’s phone!)

You may ask why I don’t just have a policy… I. DO.  So does the district.  But if/when I go to enforce it, I have been subject to major tantrums.  And this is not just from the students.  I have been accused of “stealing” property when I confiscate the cell phone, enforcing the policy, and then returning the phone at the end of the day.  I have been called a “train wreck” and was told that I “need mental help.”  There have been threats on my job and my life.  I have been the victim of theft to retaliate against me.  All because I have asked that phones are out of my classroom.  I have a thick skin, and administration supports me, so I just handle it like the strong human I am.  But what concerns me more are how the STUDENTS are actually suffering.

Some students are so dependent upon their phones that asking them to part with them for the 40 minutes I have them for class is almost impossible for them.  So I implore all parents…  Please do not contribute to the angst.  I am only asking for two things:

  1. Tell your kids that you do not want them using them during classes and if you get a report from their teacher that they were seen out, you will suspend them from their phone for a day… then week… then moth… then cancelled.
  2. Tell them that you will no longer be available to them DURING the school day. (Or if that’s not doable, at least only during their or your lunch for a one-time contact point to send or receive a communication.)  That means you’ll have to do a better job of planning rides, and they will not be able to have you run them forgotten items.
Portrait, Face, Pale, Expressive, Eyes, Nose, MouthBlame the teachers.  Blame your boss/job.  Or even tell them you are making the 153Promise to them that you want them to spend the school day concentrating on… school and not on social drama.  Explain to them that the more you rely on the cell phones, the more anxiety it actually causes because it’s no longer a communication device- it’s an enabling device that’s preventing them from developing good habits of planning, self-reliance, and security/trust among family members.
So I’m throwing out another challenge: enact the two rules above.  Just like the Bus Challenge, I am going to suggest that the more either you or your child balks at the “Phone Challenge,” the more you may need to add it to your lives.  I’d love to know who does it and how it goes!
Kisses!  XxXx

Hop on the Bus Challenge

On By JenniferOzgurIn Health, Love, Relationships, Uncategorized6 Comments

Diversity, Happy, People, Young, SmileDo you let your children ride the bus???

I’m going to sound like the ‘uphill both ways’ generation, but when I was my children and students’ ages, I DID take the bus.  Sometimes, I had to lug a giant bass clarinet or bassoon case for a good ten minute walk to the bus stop.  It built character. 

The ONLY time I got a ride to school was for a broken leg in 7th grade because navigating the crutches on those giant steps was just too much for me.

I remember being in junior high and having to take the shuttle bus to the high school in order to get a ride home on the activities bus.  Let me tell you, being a 12 year old riding with a senior football player was scary!  But it built character.

Back then, it was a more hands-off approach to parenting.  You trusted the school to do your job when you gave them your kids.  Part of that meant riding the bus to school.

When did that stop happening?

There are cameras on the bus now.  Kids have cell phones that can record things, if stuff hits the fan… so why is that busses — that are paid with local tax dollars — are half empty, and the drop off line gets longer and longer?

If it’s to protect/shelter your children from certain stuff, I can understand that mentality, but I am going to suggest that it’s slightly misguided.  Things that happen on the bus to NOT magically disappear in the school.  Plus, it’s under surveillance, so it’s actually a pretty safe environment.

And IF something goes down on the bus, it’s an opportunity to talk about it with your child.  Therefore, to NOT let them ride the bus is actually PREVENTING them with real-life learning experiences.

My daughter rides the bus every day she is at our house. (She lives at her dad’s half the time.)  Sometimes we talk about the kids who ride with her and how to deal with it.  If I didn’t allow her that experience, I’d be robbing her of that opportunity to learn those skills.

After all, it’s NOT going to get any easier out in the “Real World;” why not practice now?

Just a few months ago, we were watching a movie together.  It was a more “adult,” though appropriate, film.  A few “ripe” words were tossed into the air.  I looked over at her and apologized and asked her if she’d like to stop the movie.

“It’s nothing I haven’t already heard on the bus,” she said, wiser than her then 9 old self.

So we talked about words and language and how it is a reflection of your character… How the people in the movie were depicted and the associations with those words are also associated with the people using them.  It was a good chat.  That never would have happened if I was a “drop-off parent.”

In conclusion, I am going to throw out a “Bus Challenge” to you: if you do not currently allow your kids to take the bus, give them the heads up TONIGHT that next week, they are going to take the bus!  Make the 153Promise to love your child by giving them the opportunity to face a situation, talk about it with you, learn a lesson, and develop as a person.  Chances are, the more they protest, the more they need to do it…

It builds character.

 

Tasting the Love

On By JenniferOzgurIn Health, Love, UncategorizedLeave a comment
Fruit, Plate, Dish, Appetizer, Healthy

The saying goes, You are what you eat.  Good nutrition is no longer a mystery.  We know what’s healthy and not… we just need the discipline to follow the guidelines.

So, it stands to reason that what your kids eat is reflective of you.  Is your love for them healthy?  Is it wholesome?  Think about what you are providing for them in the mornings and throughout the day.  Would you want your love for them to be judged by what they eat?  Are YOU what THEY eat???

Let’s take two different scenarios:

Student A- is seen eating a lunch at the cafeteria that consists of a peanut butter and banana sandwich for carbs, protein and fat, some fresh veggies for crunch and a homemade brownie for some sweetness at the end.  All washed down with a water bottle.  Breakfast was either some oatmeal and fruit, some yogurt and granola, or a bean and cheese tortilla eaten in home room.

Student B- has an energy drink in homeroom and is seen putting a second one in his backpack… for his lunch.

I’ve seen both of these scenarios.  I’ll leave you to make the inferences.

Which parent do you want to be?  Which associations do you want to be held responsible for?

By and large, most students do not do the shopping for the household…

Make the 153Promise next time you are at the grocery store by selecting items that make for healthy lunches and breakfasts.  That way, if you get in a rush and have to rely on a go-to faster, more convenient and less healthy alternative for dinner once and a while (I totally get that!), it’s not such a tragedy.  Two out three sure is better than a goose egg.

Next time you have a free moment with your children, sit them down and ask them what types of food they want for their breakfasts and lunch.  Explain that you are going to do an overhaul with their meal routines and you want them to have a say.  Make a date to go shopping together with that list (to avoid impulse purchases) and stick to it.

Getting a good night’s sleep the night before and putting in healthy fuel all day can be a great way to get their daily 153.  I’m willing to bet that after a few weeks of this adjustment, you’ll also be feeling their love from their better performance and attitudes.

BE what they eat.  Have them taste your love!

Kisses!  XxXx

 

Smooth Operator…

On By JenniferOzgurIn Health, UncategorizedLeave a comment

Saxophone, Child, Classical Music, SepiaWhen I think of this song by Sade, I hear her dulcet tones and sultry groove.  But I also think it’s a great backdrop to inspire having a calm start to your children’s day.

Leaving for school can be stressful, and this sets the tone for the rest of the day.  But a few strategies can make the morning more like a mellow jazz pop tune… and less death metal:

  1. Have your child pack his/her school bag the night before and place it in the same spot every evening.  That way, there’s no forgetting any homework for class.
  2. Do the same with sports equipment and all ride arrangements.  That way, there’s no, “Can I text my mom/dad/sibling about…” requests when teaching is supposed to be taking place.
  3. Plan lunches the night before.  It can actually be a nice ritual if there’s a fun bento-style lunch box and ready-made, healthy go-to items like baby carrots and apples; protein spreads like hummus, nut butters; string or cottage cheese; whole wheat pitas or tortillas…  What better way to make sure they’re getting good nutrition than to buy these at the store?
  4. If they get ready and off to school by themselves, have a designated spot for all signed forms, tests, etc…  That way, if your family are more like ships passing in the night, it makes communication easier.
  5. Have them choose their laundry the night before.  Then, if laundry is an issue, they can help you put in a load of wash when they get home and dry it in the evening… never a last-minute scavenger hunt to find something 5 minutes before leaving… or being late.
If your child is from a two household situation, it’s even MORE important to have this system in place, since all variables that can potentially add more stress doubles.
Make the 153Promise to keep your kids stress-free by putting a few of the above strategies into play.
Kisses!  XxXx

Good Night and Good Rest

On By JenniferOzgurIn Health, UncategorizedLeave a comment

Bedroom, Bed, Alarm Clock, Night TableOne of the best ways to insure that your children have a good day is to make sure they have a good night… of sleep.

It may sound obvious, and there are tons of sleep studies that link a good night’s rest to improved performance, but do you know how many hours of quality sleep your child is getting?

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The National Sleep Foundation suggests that the average teenager get 8-10 hours of sleep a night; younger students 9-11.

That’s a lot more doable for an elementary school student with the later opening.  But if your high schooler’s homeroom is at 7:30 am, presuming they get up at 6, that means that they really ought to be in bed — and asleep — by nine pm… ten at the latest.

With today’s tight schedules, that may sound impossible.  But rather than falling into an “all or nothing” mentality, try for “as much as possible.”

That means if a Sunday through Thursday ten hours a night is not going to happen due to outside activities, your family may need to re-examine priorities so if something has to give, it’s not going to be sleep.

Here are a few suggestions I’ve come up with to give your children the best chance at waking up well-rested and ready to perform at their personal best:

  1. Limit extracurricular activities as much as possible as not to cut into sleep time.
  2. Have a set evening ritual- same time; same “power down” routine.
  3. Tighten up the morning routine so they can sleep in as late as possible.  (This is going to be a future post.)
  4. Support them in time management and study skills so they are not up late at night cramming for that test or slapping together that paper or project at the last minute.
  5. When they go to bed, take their cell phones and laptops… BOTH the devices AND the users need to be fully charged for the next day!
  6. No caffeinated products after three.
  7. No naps.  They only enable staying up later.  If they *must* take a refresher break, they should take a “Power Nap”, then get a glass of water, and do a little light aerobic activity for ten minutes like taking a walk around the block.  It will give them a boost of energy without delaying bedtime.
  8. Power down and reduce screen time an hour before bedtime if possible.  The blue light from screens is known to affect sleep patterns.
  9. If possible, keep the bed room for sleeping and have other conducive areas for work-related activities.  That way, the association of slumber will come with those four walls.
  10. Establish and keep a peaceful atmosphere in the evening.

I realize that all of these suggestions are the ideal in a perfect world, but if you make the 153Promise to aspire to achieve as many as possible, your children will reap the benefits all day from a good night’s sleep the night before.

Kisses! XxXx

First Monday of 2016!

On By JenniferOzgurIn Health, Relationships, UncategorizedLeave a comment

My school district is back to the classroom today.

Now that I’m officially into the swing of things for the new year of 2016, I’m going to begin my 153Promise list of the different ways to give your 153 Kisses-a-Day in the form of some positive parenting choices to foster good emotional and mental health.

Race, Children, Competition, SpeedIf your kids went back to school today, what was the scene?  Was it calm and relaxed, or was there a bunch of yelling, scrambling and stress?  What did they eat for breakfast?  DID they eat breakfast?  What’s on the schedule for after school?  When did they go to bed last night, and what time to they plan to go to bed tonight?  What’s for dinner?  Is there a plan to all sit down together, or is it catch as catch can?

As you go through (or went through, depending upon when you read this), your day today, think about the above questions and be mindful of all the decisions you make as a family that contributes to the overall atmosphere of your home life.

Make the 153 Promise every day to contribute to a peaceful household.

The first step to making these positive choices is to recognize when you are doing things that are NOT getting you the desired reactions you desire.

Make today’s 153 Promise to evaluate the climate of your family.

Tomorrow, I will begin to make posts about what you can do on a daily basis to bring some calm to the daily routines so your family can begin to enjoy more peaceful family moments.

Kisses! XxXx

Top Five; Bottom Five List of 2015

On By JenniferOzgurIn Health, UncategorizedLeave a comment

harold-933746_1920New Year’s Eve comes with tons of Top Ten Lists, ranging from the noteworthy to the nobody cares.  Some include:

  • Best Albums
  • Biggest News Story
  • Worst Dressed
  • Most Sensational Internet moment

I figure there must be some insight to making a list of the highlights of the year, so I thought it might do me some good in applying it to my own life.  But ten of anything seemed a bit of an overkill, if not pretentious.

Therefore, I am going to dived the ten into two palatable lists of five.

Feel free to do try this experiment with your own life.  Categories can include, but are not limited to:

  • Family
  • Romantic Relationships
  • Career
  • Travel
  • Personal Growth
  • Health
  • Finances
  • Goals
  • Accomplishments/Major Awards (A Christmas Story, anyone?

So without any further ado (or adieu, since it is farewell to 2015)…

Top Five

  • My daughter going to States for her first year in competitive gymnastics
  • My husband becoming a U.S. citizen
  • My son going to day care/preschool
  • My news that a publisher wants to turn my poem into a book
  • Getting a really awesome and supportive principal at my school

Bottom Five

  • Smashing my tailbone in a bowling alley and needing an ambulance
  • Getting sepsis
  • Getting Lyme Disease six weeks later
  • Discovering a growing sink hole right next to our property
  • Realizing that my grandparents’ health is failing

Did I learn anything?  I guess that I am really blessed and even though I did experience a few low patches, life keeps plugging along and I’m really enjoying the ride!

I encourage you to make your Top and Bottom Five list, too.  And as you do, you may want to make today’s 153Promise to put a positive spin on this past year with an optimistic outlook for the year to come.

Happy New Year.

Many Kisses!  -XxXx