You know the saying that if you put something out there into the universe, it will come back to you??? Well, I spoke on the phone to my publisher again last night. I know, right??? (I will update the results of the conversation in tomorrow’s post.)
It’s all coming together… I can feel it…
The last hour of the Stress Workshop I attended was supposed to be a Q and A about how to best address stress with you children once it rears its ugly head. I was looking forward to learning some tips and maybe even some proactive strategies. It didn’t happen.
Instead, these were some of the questions that parents asked:
You see the pattern? These weren’t actual open ended questions about how to HELP their kids; these were actually complaints disguised as questions.
This is the third installment on my series of notes from the Stress Workshop I attended last week hosted by our school district…
Once the speaker, psychologist Lou Bevilacqua, defined stress and who gets it, he gave some basic tips on what to do.
First, he said the following strategies do NOT work:
and finally,
Once the audience’s participation died down, Dr. Bevilacqua brought some clarity to the idea of stress- what it is, what causes it and who is prone to suffer from it.
First, he echoed that yes, there are many things that can trigger a reaction through the day. But it morphs into “stress” by meeting several criteria:
That means that while some things may cause discomfort at the moment, it may not actually develop into stress.
Is a trip to the dentist stressful, or just not enjoyable? It becomes “stress” only if the effects of anticipating the visit are over a prolonged period of time and get in the way of other activities.
How about a child’s test? If they are concerned about the test, study, get a little nervous right before, take it, and then go about the rest of the day, then it’s inaccurate to label it as “stress.” But if they constantly worry about that class, get ‘sick’ in order to avoid taking the test and can’t go to rehearsal or practice for another activity due to that event, then yes… it’s stress.
Continue reading “Defining Stress, Part Two: Finding Clarity”
I’m not a fan of reblogging, but I DO want to pass this post along. It warms my heart to have a DAD writing about parenting- and specifically such a sensitive topic.
Thanks, dude!
Next week, I’ll be writing about the highlights of the stress workshop for parents I attended this past week.
-Kisses! XxXx
Positive or not, what your parents said to you over and over when you were growing up has a lasting effect.
It becomes a mantra –consciously or otherwise — and will manifest in your own parenting if not acknowledged.
A little memory exercise to recall what you heard as a kid might create some awareness in what you say to your own children.
The ones I heard were:
and then, the most confusing:
I make it my #153Promise ever day to not belittle my children and/or send them mixed messages. I love them. I appreciate them. I value them. Love should not bring shame, fear or guilt.
Please make it your #153Promise to examine the messages you send to you children. Ask them what they hear you say a lot. Make it during a calm time. Make them feel safe with their response.
It may just open your eyes… and ears.
-Kisses! XxXx
I used to drink, but I stopped when I got pregnant with my son. I haven’t touched it since.
Maybe an ex-drinker is the worst when it comes to vocalizing the evil of alcohol consumption, but I’ve got to say, it really rubs me the wrong way when I see THIS on my FB wall:
I’m sorry, but I just don’t think it’s funny that we as a society normalize drinking in excess:
Sometimes, people even rope the kids into it:
I’m not saying my post is going to get people saying, “She’s right… from now on, no more alcohol.” But please think about the message you are putting out there when you it comes to your behavior.
Do you want your kids to grow up thinking it’s funny to drink too much? That parenting requires an addiction? That their existence drives you to inebriate yourself?
Tipsy parents are not present parents. Hungover parents are not fun parents. If you are that stressed that you feel the need or entitlement to bask in the grape, maybe it’s time to simplify your life.
At the very least, make the #153Promise to do a little introspection regarding your daily habits and how they are represented to other people, most of all, your children.
-Kisses!
Now’s the time to select courses for next year. Placing your child in the correct classes is a very important decision and can set the stage for either a pleasant year, or a stressful one.
You child’s teachers have been monitoring their progress since September. They know the strengths and weaknesses of your child and also know about the requirements of the courses for next year.
If your child is doing well this year, that’s not necessarily an indication that they should be ‘bumped up’ a level. Unless they are making high As and say they want more of a challenge, you may be setting up your child to be stretched too thin next year.
Conversely, if you have a student who’s been struggling all year, you may want to ask the teacher’s opinion about actually dropping down a level. There’s no shame in admitting that your child is in over their head.
If your child is going into or currently in high school, I’d also take your child’s desires into consideration when planning for post graduation. Do not automatically assume they are going into college. If they are not self motivated and/or do not like school or reading, then they very likely will not see the value in getting up to go to classes, preparing for them, writing the papers and studying for the few tests they will have. You may want to discuss career options that include technical training. They may be able to learn skills that give them the chance to get a career with opportunity for growth in a field they enjoy.
Think about the years 18-22: would you rather pay for tuition where they’re barely passing, or have them make their own money, learn independence, and feel pride that they are making a wage doing honorable work?
An education should be to discover what your child can learn and achieve- not what they can’t do. You may ‘know’ your child, but in this area, their teachers know more. You may see them doing their work at home, but if the teacher records zeros for assignments not handed in, your child may be sending you a coded message. They may be in their room ‘studying’ all night, but if they are not testing well, have you quizzed them on the material the night before to make sure they knew the content?
True, every child deserves opportunities. But if a teacher thinks the child is truly not at the point of readiness for a certain step in their education, then the opportunity you may actually be providing is to set them up for failure.
Please keep your own ego and motivation in check if you are considering overriding either your child or their teacher’s thoughts regarding class selection for next year.
Make it your #153Promise to trust the teachers to know what’s best regarding your child’s scholastic abilities to give your child every opportunity to succeed.
-Kisses! XxXx
My ten year old daughter loves it when I write her notes in the morning before I go off to school since I leave before she wakes up. It starts off her day feeling loved, even though I’m not there to wish her well.
So when I saw a free journal up for grabs at the used book store, I took it.
Now, when I write a note, I no longer scrounge around the house for a lone scrap of paper- I turn a page of the journal. She’s also taken to writing back to me.
This way, we’ll have a nice memory of all the notes written back and forth.
Make the #153Promise to honor your children in small but meaningful ways, everyday, by starting a memoir of your daily love in ink.
-Kisses! XxXx
Everybody on the East Coast is talking about how flippin’ cold it’s going to be this three day weekend. Freezing or not, what better time to start thinking about plans for this summer!
Taking on a job or volunteering position is an excellent way to teach responsibility and learn about what possible career topics they are considering; it gets your teenager thinking about their future…. Just at the time they are consider what courses they’ll be taking for next year. And doing it now — before the mad rush in June — is an excellent lesson in preparing and not procrastinating… not to mention that they’ll have many more choices available to them.
If your child is over 18, then they are an adult and can apply pretty much anywhere, as long as they meet the job description requirements.
If they are under 14, they are generally too young to be getting a “real” job with an actual employer.
But those three years in between get a little tricky. Every state has their own child labor laws. Some deal with dangerous situations, like knives. Some deal with food preparation or the presence of alcohol. Others regulate manual work, such as pounds required to lift.
Looking for ideas? Try:
If you can’t commit to putting your teenager on a set schedule because you want a flexible schedule, volunteering is also a great option…. And if your child is under working age, maybe it’s time to start planning your family vacation!
No matter what you decide, make it your #153Promise to set your child up for an awesome summer. 
Goodness knows we need something to get us through the next few months!
-Kisses! XxXx
A "Trauma-Free Parenting" Initiative 