Ghosts of Parenting Past and Present

Aygul Barieva, Tatar, Artists, Family, Parents, ChildThere many ways to categorize the different parenting styles.  I remember learning about them back (many!) years ago when I was in college, taking my education and psychology courses.

Then I stumbled upon this article today and was surprised that the theory remains intact.

The four are:

  1. Authoritarian- they are the dictators.  “Because I said so!”  Think That 70’s Show.
  2. Authoritative- they rule with firm but kind hand.  “You broke the rules, so here are the consequences.”  Think Leave It To Beaver.
  3. Permissive- They are the best friend.  “Whatever you want, Honey Bunny.” Think Marge from The Simpsons
  4. Uninvolved- They are detached.  “*crickets chirping*”  Think Married with Children

NOTE: I am going to add a 5th… Overinvolved.  They are the helicopters.  “Because I said so.”  Only this is said to other ADULTS, rather than the child.  I don’t have an example from TV since it seems to be a fairly new phenomenon and I don’t watch television.

Can you guess which style is recommended by professionals?  (Answer at end of this post)

Ghosts, Gespenter, Spooky, Horror, Souls, CreepyMany times, we parent how we were parented.  It’s all we know.  But sometimes, we parent by doing the exact opposite of what we were given because it did not work for us as children, so we are actually reparenting our inner child, along with our current kids.  That’s not a great tactic.  It’s like your Ghost of (Your Nickname as a Kid) Past is hovering around your son or daughter.  Kinda creepy, huh?

Or, you may parent in the exact opposite of your partner.  Think Good Cop; Bad Cop.  Yes… you are actually using a strategy to get criminals to break.  Again, not the best way to roll.

I know I was raised with an Authoritarian father and a Permissive and Uninvolved mother.  It was not fun.  There were strict consequences for minor infractions from my dad with my mother trying to be the soft place to fall one my father was through.  It went into the realm of physical emotional abuse.  I’ve got CPTSD from my childhood.  As a result, I try not to be as “mean” and also try to be my children’s advocate.  But that also does not mean I overindulge or helicopter.  I try to find a balance.

My point to citing the article is to find out which parent you are and why to learn if you are on track for creating a well-adjusted child.  It can be insightful.

Make the 153Promise today by learning about your Ghosts of Parenting Past and Present so you can set up a great future for your children!

Kisses! XxXx

*#2!

2 thoughts on “Ghosts of Parenting Past and Present

  1. Shasta Heidelburg

    I liked that post!

    I would like to add though…. We need to throw in the child’s “perception” 2 kids can grow up in the same household, raised by the same parents and take it all in, process it, and come out with two different attitudes, different resentments, different areas of gratitude…. etc
    Just like Republicans and Democrats… Viewing the same scenario and because of different levels of empathy, compassion and sense of right and wrong…. Their take on it is very individual.
    Pretty much a crap shoot, I would say! We are all human and humans make mistakes.
    Does anyone escape childhood unscathed?

    Like

    1. Thanks!

      I find it interesting, too! Why is it I did the opposite of my parents?

      Why did my brother emerge fairly unscathed, while I consider myself still healing from the scars?

      I know my two kids came into this world as them… personalities intact! I’m only trying to accentuate the positive and reduce the negative.

      So true… we all make mistakes… I guess it all comes down to what kind you are willing to live with.

      Thanks for the thoughts!

      Kisses XxXx

      Like

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