This is the third installment on my series of notes from the Stress Workshop I attended last week hosted by our school district…
Once the speaker, psychologist Lou Bevilacqua, defined stress and who gets it, he gave some basic tips on what to do.
First, he said the following strategies do NOT work:
and finally,
Once the audience’s participation died down, Dr. Bevilacqua brought some clarity to the idea of stress- what it is, what causes it and who is prone to suffer from it.
First, he echoed that yes, there are many things that can trigger a reaction through the day. But it morphs into “stress” by meeting several criteria:
That means that while some things may cause discomfort at the moment, it may not actually develop into stress.
Is a trip to the dentist stressful, or just not enjoyable? It becomes “stress” only if the effects of anticipating the visit are over a prolonged period of time and get in the way of other activities.
How about a child’s test? If they are concerned about the test, study, get a little nervous right before, take it, and then go about the rest of the day, then it’s inaccurate to label it as “stress.” But if they constantly worry about that class, get ‘sick’ in order to avoid taking the test and can’t go to rehearsal or practice for another activity due to that event, then yes… it’s stress.
Continue reading “Defining Stress, Part Two: Finding Clarity”
That was the first question Dr. Bevilaqua addressed last Wednesday.
A volunteer from the audience wrote down the responses that were brainstormed by the audience. A variety of responses abounded:
The list was much longer, but they started to morph into manifestations like:
I attended a workshop sponsored by our school district last Wednesday. It was run by a middle school guidance counselor, and the speaker was a local psychiatrist. You can read about his profile here.
It was meant for parents, but I attended as both a mother AND a teacher in the district.
We are a large, suburban school district in a town that holds the county seat. We are predominantly White, with a growing population of Asian and Indian, some Black and finally a Latino/ELL population. We are not without our challenges, but all press and data indicates that we are among the strongest in the state and nation.
The topic was supposed to be about stress of your children and how to help them, but what actually unfolded (from my perspective, anyway) was chilling. By the end of the week, I’ll have explained what I mean, so be sure to keep coming back every day!
Many times, these events are preaching to the choir: those who attended are the parents who are already doing the right thing because they attend workshops about parenting. But this time, all the right people were in the seats… but for all the wrong reasons. And I fear that the message somehow got lost. This is not to discredit the speaker, however. I think as the evening progressed, both he and I realized that the focus of the night was shifting and there was not much to be done about it… except to maybe hold another night dedicated to that same topic of stress.
It was only 1.5 hours. The first half an hour was dedicated to speaker, presenting on:
From there, it was to open up as a discussion/Q and A period, where people could write questions on note cards and receive advice to best help their children deal with stressors in their lives… that’s when it got really interesting.
The GC (guidance counselor) did mention that this was intended to be the first in a series of talks, so there is some hope that the same crowd will come back… and when I say “crowd,” I mean about 250 people in a small administration room. And I don’t even think it was publicized that much; I’m sure if there was another night with more advertising, we could easily move the venue to one of the middle schools and fill at least half of the auditorium.
In fact, that reminds me- I need to write to the GC about that prospect… (I actually taught in her building for 13 years, so we have a rapport.)
As I said, I had attended as both a parent AND a teacher. But in all honesty, I also attended as my blogging/writing self since I had planned to write about the night on this #153Promise site. I had managed to speak with him for a minute or two after the engagement, exchange cards, and even get a promotional picture. It was important to me to get his permission to write about the workshop, and he was very nice.
So make it the #153Promise to come back every day this week to find out what I learned about stress and your children. You’ll be surprised to know that the audience taught me a lot more than the psychologist…
I’m not a fan of reblogging, but I DO want to pass this post along. It warms my heart to have a DAD writing about parenting- and specifically such a sensitive topic.
Thanks, dude!
Next week, I’ll be writing about the highlights of the stress workshop for parents I attended this past week.
-Kisses! XxXx
Hop over to my Journal to read about developments of “One Million Kisses,” my children’s book that was the inspiration for #153Promise.
In it, I update about my social media, products, the progress with my publisher and my general stress of launching a book.
I have a busy weekend with BOTH of my children being in the winter gymnastics show. This will be the third on for my daughter (she turns 10.5 on Monday- yes leap day!) and my son’s first (at 3.5, he’s finally old enough to be in the Y program).
In my “spare time,” I’ll be working on posts all for next week. They will all be outlining the highlights of the “Stress Workshop for Parents” I attended this past Wednesday. It was very… interesting. Stay tuned!
And in case you missed my logo when I pushed it out, here it is:
Have a Happy Friday!
-Kisses! XxXx
Positive or not, what your parents said to you over and over when you were growing up has a lasting effect.
It becomes a mantra –consciously or otherwise — and will manifest in your own parenting if not acknowledged.
A little memory exercise to recall what you heard as a kid might create some awareness in what you say to your own children.
The ones I heard were:
and then, the most confusing:
I make it my #153Promise ever day to not belittle my children and/or send them mixed messages. I love them. I appreciate them. I value them. Love should not bring shame, fear or guilt.
Please make it your #153Promise to examine the messages you send to you children. Ask them what they hear you say a lot. Make it during a calm time. Make them feel safe with their response.
It may just open your eyes… and ears.
-Kisses! XxXx
I woke up as a usually do. Made my decaf, checked my email, Facebook, etc…
Then got ready to write my morning post, and I find THIS when I looked at my stats: 
I don’t know if you can zoom in on your screen, but that’s 92 view so far this morning! But what’s curious is that there were only 8 visitors. Plus, it’s only 6 am upon writing this post and ALL of the views are from the U.S.
What’s going on??? Who’s been tapping my site? Should I be thrilled? Creeped out?? Looking under my car before I get in to go to work???
I DID go to a great discussion on stress last night and I gave my card to the lecturer… (The content of last night will be the topic of all my posts next week.) Maybe he checked it out early this morning? Maybe I have a stalker. Maybe both- since 8 people did see the site.
But now, ironically, I’m stressed out a little bit.
And I also got a call last night from my publisher, but he didn’t leave a message… I know my book is supposed to go to the printers any day now.
I suppose the only thing is to wait and see.
I used to drink, but I stopped when I got pregnant with my son. I haven’t touched it since.
Maybe an ex-drinker is the worst when it comes to vocalizing the evil of alcohol consumption, but I’ve got to say, it really rubs me the wrong way when I see THIS on my FB wall:
I’m sorry, but I just don’t think it’s funny that we as a society normalize drinking in excess:
Sometimes, people even rope the kids into it:
I’m not saying my post is going to get people saying, “She’s right… from now on, no more alcohol.” But please think about the message you are putting out there when you it comes to your behavior.
Do you want your kids to grow up thinking it’s funny to drink too much? That parenting requires an addiction? That their existence drives you to inebriate yourself?
Tipsy parents are not present parents. Hungover parents are not fun parents. If you are that stressed that you feel the need or entitlement to bask in the grape, maybe it’s time to simplify your life.
At the very least, make the #153Promise to do a little introspection regarding your daily habits and how they are represented to other people, most of all, your children.
-Kisses!
Okay, I’ll admit this is a stretch of a “post” (sorry Kellogg’s!), but I’m inspired to write about it, so I’m silencing my inner editor and rolling with it.
It was a glorious two-hour-delay this past Tuesday, thanks to a Presidential sleet storm. I was able to get up with my 3 1/2 year old son and enjoy breakfast with him. When I asked him what he wanted to eat, he said,
“Chicken cereal!”
WHAT???
I looked at him with what must have been a strange look on my face, because he laughed and then pointed to the kitchen counter and said again,
“Chicken cereal!”
My gaze followed the direction of his index finger, and there it was:
(picture: http://www.kelloggs.com/en_US/kellogg-s-corn-flakes-consumer-brand.html)
Cute, right? But there’s (yet another) metaphor I discovered in this box of cereal.
The Kellogg brothers are steeped in some pretty wild history. Long story short, they ran a sanitarium and created food items they believed controlled certain behaviors which contributed to poor mental health.
One day, they had an error with smashed wheat and flakes were born. They tried with corn, and the sunny yellow cereal hatched forth.
They were sold at first to their former patients. The brothers then had a nasty legal battle, the one got the rights to the flakes, added sugar (ironically) and made Kellogg’s Corn Flakes one of the best selling cereals of all time.
Where’re the lessons to be learned?
They’re also comparatively low in sugar and can be used in a variety of ways.
Make the #153Promise to always see the world in a different, positive light- and remind your children of this approach, as well. What a perfect time to remind yourself of this promise at breakfast- the most important meal of the day.
So put a box of the famous “Chicken Cereal” on the kitchen counter — whether or not you actually eat them — to serve as a reminder that sometimes, life can have some unexpected pleasant surprises.
-Kisses! XxXx
A "Trauma-Free Parenting" Initiative 