T minus four days and counting… The “holiday” that gets men in a panic and parents in a bind.
The internet is bursting with last minute ideas for “romantic” gifts. Dollar stores (thank God!) still have boxes of cards on their shelves. And adults everywhere are cursing Cupid.
But I’m kwel as a Kit Kat. Why?
Because I have no expectations. Zero. Zilch. Nada.
I tend to think that the more someone “needs” someone else to make a big deal over these special days, the more likely it is that that person has been ignored all year.
I’m not into a bipolar, feast or famine type of situation. I just want to feel appreciated on a daily basis. No need for fancy cards, flowers, or dinner to get my motor running. Know what turns me on? Coming home after a busy day to an empty sink and some folded laundry. Oh, yeah… Bow chick-a wow wow.
I was a Twelve-Stepper for a spell when I was working on my codependency issues, and I learned a great saying:
Expectations are just premeditated resentments.
It pretty much blew my mind. If I expect a certain person to act a certain way or do a certain thing, then I’m just setting myself up to be disappointed. However, I think the word “Passive” needs to be added at the start of the sentence.
Passive expectations are just premeditated resentments.
If I expect somebody to do something, but I don’t actively express to them my desires, I don’t think it’s fair to hold them hostage when they fail to read my mind.
So if you want to go out for dinner, tell your spouse. If you want your children to set the table, tell them. Then, after a while, they’ll do it on their own without you asking because they see how darn happy it makes you.
The same applies with my children. I’d rather them experience true happiness on a daily basis, rather than getting all worked up into a lather a few times a year. It says to me that they feel special every day.
Lorenz Hart (ironically) wrote “My Funny Valentine,” and his lyrics express this sentiment perfectly:
Your looks are laughable; unphotograph-able…
Yet you’re my favorite work of art….
Each day is Valentines’ Day.
Make it your #153Promise this Valentines’ Day to have low expectations and to actively express them.
Shoot an arrow right through the hype.